February 23, 2005



1. What's with this new trend of female teachers banging students? Men all over the country are griping right now, wondering where the hell these slutty teachers were when THEY were in middle school. That teacher Pamela Turner in Florida was hot too, she was a model or something. Not that it's ever okay for a teacher to sleep with a 13-year-old student, but I would think she had numerous other options. I mean Mary Kay LeTourneau is kind of haggy. You can see where she'd welcome attention from a man, boy, German Shepard, whatever.

2. It's almost amusing how for someone relatively germ conscious, I can pretty much set my food down on anything and still eat it. I just set my sandwich down on my dusty Harry Potter mousepad, picked it up again, brushed off the dust and resumed eating. At least I think I brushed it off.

3. The Raiders are getting Randy Moss! Woo-hoo! Oakland is better equipped to deal with him and his antics anyway.

4. So last night (or actually early this morning) I'm hanging out by myself, watching some porn, when for some reason I decide to turn up the volume and actually listen to what's being said. Big fucking mistake. They did interviews with the girls, whose average age was 19, then introduced them to the ugly, fat, gray-haired men they'd be fucking in a minute. "So little lady, are you ready for some dick?" The worst part was the interview they did with the first chick, because the interviewer pointed out that she AND HER SISTER were both in the video. Not in the same scene, but in the same video nonetheless. At which point my mind just started fixating on that. Imagine what'd be worse than having a daughter working in porn? Having two daughters working in porn. I couldn't even finish the scene after that, I was too nauseated. And old ass Randy West can be stomached on a regular day, but when one is already feeling sick it's best not to push it.

You know how they say children turn out the exact opposite of their parents? I think in about 10 years I'm going to tell Geo we have to become swingers. Then we'll throw loud orgies at our house every night, and when the girls have their friends come over to study I'll knock on the door naked and say "Can you keep it down please? We're trying to have an orgy with the White Castle night shift in here." And at PTA meetings I'll try to make all my suggestions have to do with sex, like a Blowjob Booth or Naked Bake Sale. If all goes according to plan, my daughters should become televangelists.

5. The "Next Blog" button called to me so I hit it. For the next 5-minutes or so I next-blogged, leaving random comments here and there. I almost felt bad, like I just ran in to use their restroom. But I don't mind when strangers leave comments so I figured they wouldn't either. In fact I wish people would comment more. I mean I'm not a complete Comment Slut like Ray, but I do like being spoken to. Not by idiots though. You idiots can just remain quiet. I try to weed out the idiots though, by being as wordy as possible. They just go "Ack! Long post!" And skip right over me.

6. Ray has a problem with what he calls "blurkers" aka people who lurk on blogs. I don't have a problem with blurkers, I'm just curious as to why they read my blog but don't speak. I don't bite. Unless someone makes a move to bite me first. Seriously folks, I'm a nice person dammit. Take off your coat. Have a beer. Stay awhile.

7. I loathe myself for watching American Idol. I hate how the producers try to manipulate me into liking certain people by showing them every 3 minutes dduring auditions. I hate it that it sometimes works. I hate how people who are talented but better suited to karaoke always slip into the final 24, when you know tens of thousands of people auditioned. I hate the word "pitchy" because it's just a fake word that means the judges disliked the performance but don't know why. I especially loathe Ryan Seacrest. And this season, I actively dislike Mikealah or whatever her name is. I would rip my own ears off and cram them down her throat just to make her noising stop.

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