Don't Worry, Be Happy in Chilltown JC
Every so often an article comes out that has such an insane piece of information that 8 people e-mail it to me. This is one of those articles.
So supposedly, Jersey City is number 3 on the list of happiest places in the country. I mean we straight up got an A plus. Everyone else seems surprised but I have a few ideas as to why we made that list:
Top 10 Reasons Why Jersey City Is On That List
1. Everyone they interviewed is too mind-numbingly stupid to realize Jersey City is ghetto.
Everyone they interviewed lives in the Newport area and is too mind-numbingly stupid to realize they pay $2200 a month to live in a 500sq foot apartment in JERSEY CITY.
2. Everyone they interviewed was high, up high in the sky.
3. Everyone they interviewed didn't speak English and was just nodding their heads yes. Are you happy? Nod. Are you never depressed? Nod. Is it because you love living here in Jersey City? Nod. You love it even though it's swarming with crats and crackheads? Nod.
4. Everyone they interviewed was thrilled to be alive, having just missed getting run over by some punk in a modified Geo Metro and one of those gold-plated license plate frames, with a random CD hanging from the rearview mirror.
5. Everyone they interviewed used to live in Manhattan and is now paying 900% less for an apartment with a bathroom their old apartment in Manhattan could fit into.
6. Everyone they interviewed used to live in Manhattan and is used to paying hundreds of dollars for a blowjob, instead of just a Newport Light.
7. Everyone they interviewed was happy at the moment, because the DNA test came back and that son of a bitch WILL have to pay child support, that lazy, no-good fucker.
8. Everyone they interviewed is a car thief, and knows there is no other place on earth where they can steal eight cars in a 20-foot radius in three nights and never even see one police officer.
9. Everyone they interviewed was eating at White Castle after a long night of drinking. Oh and they were still drunk.
10. They only interviewed crackheads. Whom of course, are very happy, being that they're seeing the world through crack-colored glasses.