Woot

2008-02-04T17:03:00.000-05:00

2008-01-21T09:13:00.000-05:00

OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod THE GIANTS ARE IN THE SUPER BOWL OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyOhmyGod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Stuff Volume 8658456

2008-01-13T23:59:00.001-05:00

Random Stuff Volume 86584561. First and foremost, sorry Cowboys. Third time's the charm. Stop crying!!!!! There's no crying in football.2. There's this thing going around where people take movie titles and add "Between Your Legs" to the end. Kind of like how people read their fortune cookies and add "in bed" to the end. These were the ones that cracked me up:Finding Nemo Between Your LegsBill and

Top 11 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work

2008-01-06T17:00:00.000-05:00

Top 11 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work1. Every office still has that one printer that doesn't work. The one that causes you to see red and contemplate an Office Space moment, when it says "Load Letter Tray 2" and you open the drawer and the damn thing is full. As always, that one printer is the one nearest to me.2. The obligatory sexual harassment training is still hilarious.

Guilt

2007-12-28T11:11:00.001-05:00

GuiltI am feeling a tad guilty over how much I have neglected this blog. Would you believe, I couldn't even remember my username and password to get into the damn thing to type this.So, I am declaring here and now, versus there and now or here and later, that I will update this blog once a week in 2008. Woot!Okay, so maybe people aren't still ready to forgive the neglect. NotWoot. My first order

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed

2007-09-23T23:59:00.000-04:00

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed1. I may no longer feel compelled to write letters of complaint such as:Dear PSE&G,I hate you. I hate you and I hope you die.Love,Riss2. Apparently, PSE&G doesn't consider expired Scores (strip joint) Dollars an acceptable form of bill payment.3. Tired of paying for the #1 Value Meal at McDonald's in coins. The people behind you in the drive-through

The Saga of the Scary Shirts

2007-09-06T10:34:00.000-04:00

The Saga of the Scary Shirts and Elmo's House is ClosedFirst, I must apologize to everyone for the length of time since my last post. I've gotten some frantic e-mails from people who think I've been hit by a bus. Which makes me laugh because frankly, if I'd been hit by a bus, how would I respond to their e-mails? Actually, if I were a ghost I'd find a way to hop onto the computer. They probably

Random Stuff: Chapter 932

2007-08-08T13:33:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Chapter 9321. Yes Mike, a football post is coming. REAL football, not that "soccer" thing foreigners like Steve sometimes play. I am approaching the season with my usual tingly excitement, yet it's mixed with some dread as I survey that freaking All-Star team they've put together in the north. When they play Dallas in October I plan to drink an entire 6-pack in one hour, then spend

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,956

2007-07-26T17:31:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,9561. So I got derailed and all by the whole hospital thing but we need to get back to business as usual. And by "business as usual" I actually mean "stuff no one but me cares about." Drawn by Stevie D. It kind of makes me feel like there's a bus, train or anvil out there with my name on it.2. Who wants to talk Harry Potter? I thought JK Rowling tied things up pretty

Hospital Notes Sans the Enemas

2007-07-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

Hospital Notes Sans the Gory Details1. Someone peed in my bathroom while I was asleep, which is a bit freaky. It was a guy because I saw the bubbles (bubble pee). Someone also moved my trashcan while I was asleep, all the way across the room to right next to my bed.2. It's kind of amusing when the doctor tells you that you can only eat healthy foods, and then five minutes later the menu guy comes

Riss's Anatomy

2007-07-17T14:40:00.001-04:00

Riss's AnatomyWarning: This post is not for people who are squeamish about bodily functions.So I was in the hospital for a week. On Sunday (the 8th) I started feeling sick from the meal at dinner. It was 90 degrees out and I was wearing a sweater, but was shaking uncontrollably in the cab. I got home, threw up until there was nothing left and went to sleep. When I woke up, I still felt feverish

2007-07-03T22:04:00.001-04:00

What are you doing on here? You should be out watching the Transformers!! Sick ass movie, seriously. I was ready to watch it again after the credits rolled. "Autobots, transform and roll out!!!" Eeh ehh oh oh eh. So far I've only seen it once in the theatre. This is going to change. Oh yes, this is going to change. I won't talk about the movie for a couple of days though, to give people a chance

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping

2007-06-25T23:59:00.000-04:00

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping(As jacked from Elaine)Thou Shalt Have The Closet Door ClosedI don't exactly buy into the Boogeyman hype, but there's something freaky about waking up in the middle of the night and seeing an open closet door. With a scaly, decayed gray hand creeping around it. And evil, evil red eyes only partially masked by a black hood. I'm just saying. Thou Shalt Have The Bedroom

Thoughts On A Friday Night

2007-06-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Thoughts On A Friday NightI assume it's counter-productive to be riding your exercise bike while eating a Rainbow Twizzler. Rainbow Twizzlers rock your mom, seriously.I love women with breast implants, they always invite people to feel them. It's like you're a lesbian for 8 seconds.Chris Rock makes me laugh."There's a white, one-legged busboy in here that wouldn't trade places with ME. And I'm

Random Stuff: Take 421636

2007-06-18T12:10:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Take 4216361. They way we live in and around New York City is just insane, as in what we accept as normal. JFK airport is 23.1 miles away from my house. Due to traffic it routinely takes upwards of two hours to get there. To go 23 miles. Yet this is "normal." How much of people's lives must be spent in traffic? At least on the bus or train you can read a book, solve a crossword

With Friends Like These...

2007-06-12T18:31:00.000-04:00

With Friends Like These... Who Needs Enemies?I knew life would get even more interesting after Ray and Matt moved here from Australia. So on Saturday night, the three of us and Steve hit up a gay club in the city called Mr. Black. We managed to get past the bouncer, a 200 lb lesbian who could probably bench press a normal-sized sedan and who said "Eeew, look at this bitch" when she saw me. The

Sexbay

2007-06-08T17:25:00.000-04:00

Sexbay and Useless Mutant PowersWouldn't it be funny if they had a rating website for people and sex? You could rate people and leave comments like:"Great ride, A++++++ bang. Will hump again!!""Neutral rating. Too fast delivery and package was small.""Neutral rating. Positive transaction but poor communication. Would not return e-mails after."(Steve's contribution but he really needs his own blog

Hi

2007-06-06T02:11:00.000-04:00

HiI'm a bit buzzed because we had to celebrate Prinz and Charito's return to Australia. So I decided it would be amusing to hop on the computer and blog drunk. Amusing for whom, I don't know. But what the hay. Is it what the hay or what the hey? Either way it probably doesn't make sense unless you're perhaps a cow huh? I'm going to hit submit on this which makes me a fucking idiot by the way. An

"I'd Love To Shoot You Sometime."

2007-06-04T12:04:00.001-04:00

"I'd Love To Shoot You Sometime."I finally saw Spiderman 3 a couple of nights ago. It was the worst movie I've seen in a long time. And you have to understand, I have a low, low, LOW threshold for movies I consider crap. Some of you may remember my "17 Movies I Shouldn't Admit Publicly To Liking" list from a few years back. The list has only grown longer with the addition of movies like The

Geo's Friday Night "Assfest"

2007-05-29T15:05:00.000-04:00

Geo's Friday Night "Assfest"Boy do I have a treat for you guys. My record is 3 strip joints in one night, but Geo went out last Friday night with his co-worker and blew mine out of the water. The next morning I asked him how it went and here is the answer, paraphrased but pretty much in his own words: "We went to Whiskey Cafe but since it was 11 when we got there, everyone inside was already

Hey

2007-05-24T15:35:00.001-04:00

HeyAre you guys bored today? Good. Do me a favor and go to THIS SITE RIGHT HERE and vote for my boy Rhandy's start-up. It's called Tangler. Thanks man!I'll toss up a real post sometime today. Right now all I would be writing is how beautiful the inside of my toilet bowl looks from close-up. As many of you know, me and well liquor (that cheap shit crappy bars serve in place of top shelf liquor)

Cross Swords

2007-05-21T16:15:00.000-04:00

Cross SwordsI am too lazy to write a post. So here is some chat.Stevie: Ray is confusedRiss: I told Steve he'll be going to so many gay places with you that he'll become "a regular." And that eventually no one will believe he's straight, because he's "a regular."Ray: AaahhhG: What's the diff? No one believes it now.Riss: And then they will want to help him out of the closet with roofiesRay: I

Auto Necrophilia, Duck Farts and Doodle Pro Face-Off

2007-05-15T15:14:00.000-04:00

Auto Necrophilia, Duck Farts and Doodle Pro Face-OffFirst and foremost, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to Stevie, who turned 31 this past Saturday. Or, "30" according to his parents. This is just a formality though, since we actually spent his birthday doing the Advance Course with Land mark. Steve has said a bunch of things in the past few months that have cracked me up, but a few stick out:Steve: I

The Green Box

2007-05-09T14:18:00.000-04:00

The Green BoxThere's lots of crazy shit going on right now, so I haven't had the time or wherewithal to blog. But this story is a bit too freaky not to toss up. Yesterday I was talking to one of my three-year-olds Angelina and in the middle of our conversation, she suddenly gets quiet and stuffs her face into the space between my shoulder and the floor and refuses to look up. So I try to pick her

Belief

2007-05-01T17:48:00.000-04:00

BeliefLBB had a post awhile ago asking his readers what they believe. Being a rather opinionated person, I obviously have thousands of beliefs. But here are some random ones. I believe:That loyalty is the best trait in a friend, followed closely by "deviant sense of humor."That if 4% of the people pay 90% of the taxes then they should just round it up and give the rest of us a break. (Okay maybe

Favorite Australia Moments: Volume 2

2007-04-25T13:38:00.000-04:00

Favorite Australia Moments: Volume 2(Here are the pics from my trip, yes I know... FINALLY. Just so you know, all the pictures have captions but they don't come up if the set is viewed as a slideshow. If you want to read the captions/stories, click on "detail" and view the pictures 18 per page.) Volume 1 can be found here.1. I say this list is in no particular order but for humor (humour)

24 Season Six: Hour Nineteen

2007-04-24T23:59:00.000-04:00

24 Season Six: Hour Nineteen1. Every time they show a close-up of Agent Ricky I vow to moisturize properly and stay out of the sun. Also, I sing "Here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons."2. Even television presidents should learn from our country's history. Every President after Clinton should know that the Oval Office is not the place to get your Presidential Staff lubed up,

Meh

2007-04-19T16:45:00.000-04:00

Meh.I've been very meh lately. It seems to be a fairly prevalent phenomenon as others I've spoken to have likewise been meh and then my meh grows because I feed off people. Not literally though, because then that would be gross. Cannibalism is so 1300's. My meh also feeds the Procrastination Demon and as a result, I'm behind on a jillion things I've proclaimed to do (cleaning my breakfast room,

Random Thoughts Volume 3295023487059

2007-04-17T16:28:00.000-04:00

Random Thoughts Volume 32950234870591. First and foremost, my heart goes out to those students at Virginia Tech and their families. It's beyond words. I can't get it out of my mind though that we Americans are so inured to this type of thing that it's almost normal now. When I was in Sydney, I watched the news every day I was there and the worst story was a ferry boat crash in which neither of

Conversations With My Three-Year-Old Twins

2007-04-12T16:15:00.000-04:00

Conversations With My Three-Year-Old TwinsSo we've had:"Conversations With My Friends" and"Conversations About Um, Literature" and"Intellectual Conversations About Movies."So I bring you...A: Mommy, I want some cookies.Me: You have to eat lunch first.A: I don't want to.Me: One of the fringe benefits to being a parent is the discretion to decide when to completely disregard your wants.F: How about

24: Season Six Hour 16 (I Think)

2007-04-11T23:59:00.000-04:00

24: Season Six Hour 16 (I Think)Yes, the pics are coming. Last night I re-sized at least 120, but there are more PLUS they need captions. I'll toss up two posts today though, since I've got like 30 in the queue sitting there and only about 4 people give a crap about 24 (the greatest show ever by the way.)1. Whoa President Wayne with the nuclear missile bluff. Of course he let it get all the way

Favorite Australia Moments: Volume 1

2007-04-09T17:50:00.000-04:00

Favorite Australia Moments: Volume 1(In no particular order and Volume 2 is coming)1. Mikey, Steve and Maz's interpretive shark dancing at the Sydney Aquarium's shark and stingray exhibit:2. Going to Bar/Cub 333 and seeing Prinz and his wife Charito, who I met last year when they came to New York in July. I mentioned to some of the Aussies that for the few days after we had met them, none of my

The New Cleopatra

2007-04-06T15:04:00.000-04:00

The New CleopatraI'm lagging on the vacation pictures post, there's like 8 jillion photos and they need to be re-sized unless you all want to load pictures that are 1 MG each. But for a quick photo fix, my girl Nadia was recently on the cover of an Egyptian magazine called Cleo.Check out her website too: NadiaAli.com

I've Been To A Land Down Under

2007-04-04T23:59:00.000-04:00

I've Been To A Land Down Under(*sung to the tune of that Men At Work song*)First and foremost though, CONGRATULATIONS TO MANNY AND JANELLE (and Keiran) whose baby boy was born yesterday morning. They got to the hospital at 6:30 AM and Oliver entered the world at 7 AM. Janelle didn't have time for an epidural so she delivered all 8 lbs 9 oz of him naturally. She's not just a soldier she's Delta

G'Day Mate

2007-03-24T19:37:00.000-04:00

G'Day MateOutside the Sydney Opera HouseYou're probably wondering why I didn't tell you guys. Well, the whole trip was a surprise to our friends in Australia, some of whom read this blog. And I did in fact tell you guys a few weeks ago that I drunkenly agreed to go to Australia. What I didn't mention was that the next morning when I told Geo that the Drunken Plan Maker had struck again (I always

Speed Dial

2007-03-22T14:47:00.000-04:00

Random Humorous Things About The People On My Speed Dial: Part 1Geo got slapped once by his ex-girlfriend at a party in Hoboken, about 10 years ago. We were friendly acquaintances at the time and when I found out why he'd gotten slapped (he slept with her best friend) I started howling with laughter and couldn't stop. Which is fine except I was standing right in front of him at the time, pointing

Random Stuff Take 456

2007-03-22T13:39:00.001-04:00

Random Stuff Take 4561. First and foremost, Happy Belated 31st Birthday to Stevie! This is just a formality though since we spent his birthday doing the Advance Course with Landmark. Steve has said a bunch of things that have killed me in the past few months, but my favorites are:Steve: I really want to sleep in the car on the way to Hartford but I know my boss will want to talk. Maybe I could

24 Season Six: Hour Thirteen

2007-03-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

24 Season Six: Hour Thirteen1. Mrs. Graeme Bauer brings new meaning to the phrase "skank ass whore." Hey lady, your father-in-law just killed your husband like 8 minutes ago. Your son is in the other room, having almost been killed himself by his own grandfather. You were shot at a bunch of times. Aren't there other things on your mind besides slipping your tongue down Jack's throat? 2. I'm

Stolen Interview

2007-03-18T23:59:00.000-04:00

Stolen InterviewYeah so I'm reaching for shit to say, but don't want to have back-to-back 24 posts. So I stole this interview off Maz's blog and am going to answer the questions and pretend it counts as a real blog post.Q. What's your theme song?A. "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls. Just kidding. No I'm not. Okay, I guess it would really be "Insane in the Brain" by Cypress Hill. Or maybe, "Drink

24 Season Six: Hour Twelve

2007-03-14T15:50:00.000-04:00

24 Season Six: Hour Twelve(Oh and Happy National Pi Day everyone!! I love random celebratory days. Also, Kaan pointed out that Kwame got a credit on Bill Simmons' latest column so check it out!)1. It was funny as hell when Chloe said "Sorry, I'm feeling ambivalent. I'm gonna go" to President Logan. It's like the nice version of "I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care..."

Wiiiiiii, Meat Pies, Competitive Karaoke, Two Bottles of Sake and Three Bottles of Wine

2007-03-11T23:40:00.001-04:00

Wiiiiiii, Meat Pies, Competitive Karaoke, Two Bottles of Sake and Three Bottles of WineOn Friday, Abel, Steve and Mike came over for dinner, Guitar Hero and of course guitaraoke. Which I found out today, is the name of an actual video game but at my house it's playing the guitar and singing along. Courtesy of Mike, I am now in possession of a Nintendo Wii for an undetermined amount of time and

24 Season Six: Hour Twelve

2007-03-08T21:23:00.000-05:00

24 Season Six: Hour Twelve(Better late than never eh?)1. Logan said that because he's been under house arrest at his estate, he understands what it must have been like for Jack to be in a Chinese prison for 18 months. That's like someone saying they know what it feels like to be stabbed because they've gotten a splinter.2. I felt nothing when they showed President Wayne on the surgical table.

Random Stuff Volume 3.14159265

2007-03-07T13:55:00.000-05:00

Random Stuff Volume 3.141592651. Abel had his 31st birthday on Sunday, so Happy Birthday patna! Year of the Dragon fo' life! *fist in air* By the way, Abel came home drunk one night, sat down on his couch and became immersed in the Home Shopping Network. At one point he picked up the phone and his sister went "What are you doing?" He was about to order 200 knives. No, not a set of 200 different

Have You Ever Seen The Rain

2007-03-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

Have You Ever Seen The Rain(Coming down, on a sunny day)This past Saturday was my birthday. The whole weekend in fact. Not in the actual sense of the word, as my real birthday is in July, but in the fact that I feel as if I've literally been reborn.A couple of months ago, I went through a pretty difficult time. I can't remember another time when I've felt such despair. Adhering to my need to

Baby It's Cold Outside

2007-02-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

Baby It's Cold Outside(The latest 24 recap is right underneath this, plus a Wednesday night edit to this post)So yeah, we did the New Jersey Polar Bear Plunge on Saturday. Thank you so much for your donations, and here is the pic I promised:"I'm blue da-ba-dee-da-ba-di da-ba-dee-da-ba-di...."Heh. Doot doot...Okay, per Abe and Steve's request I was just fucking with you guys. We took a bunch of

24 Season Six: Hour Eleven

2007-02-26T22:22:00.000-05:00

24 Season Six: Hour Eleven(Don't have much this week, missed snippets here and there. I'm hoping Kwame can pick up the slack, if he was even able to watch it being that he's a new daddy and all!)1. You know it's bad when Jack has to say "Marilyn, you have to go" which loosely translated means "Hey Dead Brother's Wife, I know we've swapped bodily fluids in the past but right now I am trying to

Talk To The Ham

2007-02-22T12:09:00.000-05:00

Talk To The HamDo you guys remember how I'm a Law and Order freak, and also my television post and also my "Laminated Top 5 List" a la Friends? Good. Then you'll understand the significance of this:Why is it that when people take pictures with celebrities, they pose as ifthey're standing in Greece, next to an urn from the Hellenic period.Last night, I had plans to meet up with the Chaos Radio

24 Season Six: Hour Ten

2007-02-19T22:05:00.000-05:00

24 Season Six: Hour Ten*** Tuesday edit: We interrupt this 24 commentary to let readers know that there won't be an analysis from Kwame this week because his wife Kesha went into labor this morning!!!!! ***5:55 p.m. update: Kwame's baby girl is here!!!!! Hooray!!!Next day update: Okay never mind on the whole "Kwame won't post an analysis" thing, he tossed one into the comments which has been

My New Tattoo

2007-02-15T11:31:00.000-05:00

The New Tattoo HNT(Dan triggered a thought in the comments, so here is my one and only ever contribution to HNT. Have to try everything at least once right?)So I got some new "flash" last Saturday:The one on the right is the new one. I got the Chinese tribal dragon in 1995, the sun and stars of the Filipino flag in 1996 and the rose on my ankle in 1999.Okay so you really have to trust your

Meh

2007-02-14T12:39:00.000-05:00

MehOkay so I know I've said it about a jillion times (say in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006) but I'm pretty unromantic about this holiday. There's no bitterness, though that 2002 post seems to suggest otherwise, and my last several ones have been great. I just don't really like the holiday. It's very contrived. Of course this could just be residual skepticism stemming from the fact that one of

I'm An Idiot, Verified

2007-02-09T14:59:00.001-05:00

I'm An Idiot, Verified(With a Monday edit at the bottom of the post)See these fools jumping into the freezing ocean in the middle of February?"What the hell was I thinking???"Yeah, that's going to be me. I'm still not clear on the details but I believe I somehow allowed myself to be goaded into doing the New Jersey Polar Bear Plunge by Paul. I naturally responded by begging some of my friends to

"Your Canal Is Very Tight"

2007-02-08T15:35:00.000-05:00

"Your Canal Is Very Tight"Also known as, "Root Canals Suck Ass." Wait... what did you think this post was going to be about? Pre-verts.Anyway, I know you're supposed to go to the dentist for a check-up and cleaning every 6 months, but until a week ago I hadn't been to mine in over 3 years. Geo and I didn't have any dental insurance for awhile, and then we had to take care of Angelina's teeth

Super Bowl Weekend Recap

2007-02-06T11:35:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl Weekend RecapOkay so despite the ridiculously random shots we took yesterday (Cuervo, Jaeger, Absolut Peach, Soco), I feel completely fine and it's because the COLTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!Naturally it was all due to my lucky Peyton Manning jersey (thanks Stevie) and the fact that I kept rubbing my friend Alex's Chicago sweater for luck, WOOT! I'm still stupidly happy, Kwame said it

24 Season Six: Hour Seven

2007-02-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

24 Season Six: Hour Seven1. The look on Papa Bauer's face after Jack berated him for shooting to kill was priceless. Although Jack getting on someone for killing someone who was trying to kill him is like me yelling at someone for drinking too much.2. The Petulant Girlfriend of the guy trying to find the device to arm the nukes cracks me up. She's like a human poodle.3. The Bauers take the term "

Conversations with my friends

2007-01-31T16:45:00.000-05:00

Conversations With My FriendsI love talking to my friends. And this is why:Mike: I'm not sure if I'm even getting married one day. Me: Oh yes you fucking are!! I already have the best man (woman) speech written. You're getting married if I have to drag your ass to the Philippines and buy you a fucking wife.Steve: Hahahaha--Me: What the hell are you laughing at? This goes for you too.***Kwame:

24 Season Six: Hour Six

2007-01-30T12:02:00.000-05:00

24 Season Six: Hour SixOkay people, don't get your panties in a bunch. The recap is coming. Incidentally, it is not too late to figure out what the hell I'm talking about. The Season 6 episodes of 24 are available for download here.(8:30 p.m. edit)1. I forgot that Chad Lowe was going to be on. It's bizarre that I even know who he is, considering I can't think of a single show, movie or random

Otherworldly

2007-01-28T19:27:00.001-05:00

OtherworldlyI love this picture of my gorgeous sister Leah.Her husband Mike took it somewhere near Malibu, but itlooks otherworldly to me. It's as if after the picture wastaken, fairies emerged and showed her the way to their kingdom.Either that, or I should probably stop smoking so much crack.

Handle Your Business

2007-01-24T15:53:00.000-05:00

Handle Your Business(Warning, this post is going to tick some people off but I don't give a fuck.)AirTran removed a family from a plane after a 15-minute delay, during which parents of a 3-year-old throwing a tantrum couldn't calm her into her seat. The parents were outraged, despite the fact that the airline reimbursed their tickets and offered them three round-trip tickets to anywhere they fly.

Go Colts

2007-01-22T12:03:00.000-05:00

38-34 (Go Colts!)I am so happy right now. Yesterday's battle between New England and Indy was one of the best games I have ever seen. Well, the second half anyway. And of course the secret to their success was the fact that at halftime I switched to the other side of the booth and Geo stood in a different place and it changed the direction of the game. Because you know how much sense that

Random Memories About Some Of My Girls

2007-01-19T12:04:00.000-05:00

Random Memories About Some Of My Girls: The West Coast and Florida EditionMy gorgeous and talented BFF Lani (please go vote for her here in all the categories her blog "IlyanaLanai.com" is nominated for) fell into hetero lust with a hot hostess at the Union Square Cafe, where we used to always go. After watching her longing glances for half an hour, I finally decided to go pick the woman up for

Random Memories About Some of My Boys: The West Coast Edition

2007-01-17T17:49:00.000-05:00

Random Memories About Some of My Boys: The West Coast EditionI just got really, really homesick. I was making breakfast and dancing around, when Jocelyn Enriquez's "Do You Miss Me" came on the playlist. Naturally, I had to drop everything and do the Filipino cha-cha right in the middle of my kitchen, as if I was back in college, clubbing in San Francisco with like 200 of my friends.It's not that

TV Thoughts

2007-01-09T23:59:00.000-05:00

TV ThoughtsI am finally off my Tivo kick, thank God. For a couple of months I disappeared almost entirely off the face of the internet, fine dining, video gaming, modern communication and the literary hordes obsessed with the written word. In that two months I recorded and watched every episode I could (including reruns) of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, Law and Order, Law and Order: SVU, Nip/Tuck,

In Defense of Dodgeball

2007-01-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

In Defense of DodgeballOn the phone with Kwame the other day, I once again lamented the loss of the impromptu Wednesday dodgeball games of um, yore. Which led to a dual ten-minute rant on all those kids on today's playgrounds, who will never know the joys of the game. Here are "10 Things You Learn From Dodgeball:"1. STRENGTH - When you get hit, rest for a bit then jump back in with the same

Other Resolutions

2007-01-04T23:50:00.000-05:00

Other Resolutions(By the way, I do have a mental filter governing the passage between my brain and mouth. Unfortunately it has a doggy door that needs to be nailed shut, because sometimes those critters get out.)1. Return calls. Return text messages. Return e-mails. Write an actual letter, with a pen and some pretty stationery every so often.2. Continue to work out and eat healthIER. Avoid let's

Duh

2007-01-03T13:39:00.000-05:00

DuhI'm an idiot, on about a hundred levels. But today's level stems from the reason I no longer have a cell phone."Honey, where is my phone?""It's MY phone!""Where is MOMMY'S phone?""It's taking a bath."But I don't pay her any mind, because really. Phones don't take baths and my girls don't even have access to the bathroom. Hours later, as we're about to leave so that Geo can attend a wake near

Happy New Year!!!

2007-01-01T17:41:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!!!First of course... resolutions. Incidentally, it's annoying when people say crap like "I don't make resolutions because if you really want to do something you should just do it and not wait for the new year" blah blah blah. Okay save it you self-important punk. It's tradition!! A lame tradition maybe, but tradition nonetheless. Last year I resolved to quit smoking, which was

End Of The Year Letters

2006-12-26T15:28:00.000-05:00

End Of The Year LettersMerry Christmas everyone!! I still haven't sent our Christmas cards out, but as long as they're postmarked in 2006 it's okay right. Everyone else seems to be lagging too, I received about 20 cards the day before Christmas. One of my New Year's resolutions is to be a nicer person. So I also have some letters to send out, before the year ends. This may take a few posts, if I

Two Dreams

2006-12-22T13:15:00.000-05:00

Two DreamsFirst off, some people claim that people dream in black and white but assign colors when they remember it. This makes no sense to me, as I wake up sometimes fixated on a colored item from the dream. You see, think and daydream in color. When your mind is left to its own devices, why wouldn't it rely on the familiar? Anyway, here are my last two dreams. As with my other dreams, they're

Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume Who Knows

2006-12-20T12:40:00.000-05:00

Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume Who Knows(I think it's Volume 30)There's no download because I no longer have recording software.The show started a little late, because while I was on the phone with Mike J, Geo came into the room and started stripping. I asked if he was going to take a shower, and he said he already took one. So I figured he wanted sex. Now normally, there are five things I

Weird Things

2006-12-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

WeirdLightning Bug's Butt, my favorite blogger but don't bust feelings, recently tagged me with a meme. Normally, it would take me weeks to get around to fulfilling this. And by weeks, I mean "probably never" since it's rare that I actually do these things. It's not that I'm too good for them, it's that come on... does anyone really give a shit what the twenty-eighth sentence of page 135 of the

"Four Score and Seven Years Ago..."

2006-12-14T23:59:00.000-05:00

"Four Score and Seven Years Ago..."My darling husband Geo was born.Okay, not really. It's actually one-and-a-half score and three years ago.But, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEO!!!The picture on the left is what Geo looked like when he was without sin.One minute after the picture was taken he coveted thy neighbor's wife becauseher boobs looked especially full of dairy products and the rest is

Shower Thoughts Are Here Again Doo Da

2006-12-13T02:24:00.000-05:00

Shower Thoughts Are Here Again Doo DaBut first, there's no show tonight due to unforeseen airport circumstances but I will be back on the air next week!1. There's a Wiggles bandaid stuck to the wall of my shower. It's a little disconcerting to be in the shower naked and looking at them. And yet I haven't removed it.2. Typos that make sense are great. I was showing this vibrating duck off online

Bad Smell Karma

2006-12-11T23:57:00.000-05:00

Bad Smell KarmaFirst and foremost, LT rocks for his stellar play that has pushed our fantasy football team above and beyond the call of duty. Okay fine, and also for that whole breaking Shaun Alexander's record thing. LT restores my faith in pro athletes. If I worked at the NFL I would tote his picture along and flash it every time a player got arrested for drunk driving, murder, assaulting a

I See Drunk People

2006-12-05T18:53:00.000-05:00

I See Drunk PeopleYou know it was a good Friday night when it's Monday and you're still tired as hell. It especially makes me feel guilty when I look at Geo, who seems to have come down with the flu, a respiratory infection, bronchitis and a cold all at once. Also, his throat is sore and his voice is half gone. Meanwhile, I'm prancing around in the kitchen making pancakes and singing along to "

Groupies

2006-11-30T14:29:00.000-05:00

GroupiesKwame sent me an article about one of those groups of people we happen to mutually dislike, groupies. So our list of people that we dislike (and in some cases loathe) reads like this:PedophilesMurderersRapistsCar thievesPolitical extremistsAny team Terrell Owens or Kobe Bryant is onGroupiesIt may seem weird to dislike a group of people devoted to spreading their legs, until you work for a

The O.J. Interview

2006-11-27T19:23:00.000-05:00

The O.J. InterviewLet's just skip the controversy okay? You guys don't have to watch it anymore, I sent my imaginary reporter over there and interviewed him too:Reporter: So you're here to set the record straight O.J.O.J.: Yes, I want to let the American public know that I didn't have anything to do with Nicole's death. Reporter: And how are you going to do that?O.J.: By establishing how I WOULD

More Black Friday Madness

2006-11-26T23:46:00.000-05:00

More Black Friday MadnessBack in the day I used to go out every night, crawl into bed at 4 am, then wake up at 7 am to go to work. At one point I stopped going out completely and was working over 100 hours a week, while commuting an hour and a half into the city each day, seven days a week. None of that, and I mean NONE of that tired me out half as much as shopping on Black Friday. It's been

I Love Thanksgiving

2006-11-22T14:51:00.000-05:00

I Love Thanksgiving If you're one of those "blah blah the Pilgrims blah blah the Indians blah blah massacre blah blah" people then you should probably move on since this entry will make you want to choke on your tofu burger.Here's why Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday:1. We'll start with the most obvious and that is THE FOOD. This year Geo is making his usual turkey marinated in some

Fake Interviews, Counting Goats and More Letters

2006-11-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

Fake Interviews, Counting Goats and More Letters1. I haven't sent any of my imaginary reporters out to do an interview since the 2004 Olympics. Figured it was about time.Reporter: How have the injuries your team has sustained affected your chances at making the playoffs?Tom Coughlin: They haven't, we are confident that we will make it all the way.Reporter: Is that your water boy and towel boy

Pistol Grip Pump On My Lap At All Times

2006-11-13T12:50:00.000-05:00

Pistol Grip Pump On My Lap At All TimesThis story about the judge who used to masturbate in the courtroom during proceedings is so foul on so many levels yet oddly interesting. I don't know about you guys, but most people need inspiration to jerk off right? A copy of Swank, Inches, Penthouse Letters, the memory of your co-worker's ass when she bent down to pick up fallen TPS reports, the tape of

Just For Grimsies

2006-11-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

Just For GrimsiesAs most of you know, today, November 7th is a very important day for Americans. Millions of people have been waiting for today, a most auspicious occasion. Calendars have had this date circled since the moment 2006 calendars were available for purchase.WHY is it so important, some of you who have been living under a rock may ask?It is important because today is the day that the

Random Crap In The News

2006-11-03T12:29:00.000-05:00

Random Crap In The NewsBut first, I forgot to tell you guys that Geo and I hit up our friend Joanne's Halloween party last weekend. She had finger foods galore though, it was wonderful. There were pigs in a blanket already stuffed with mustard and sauerkraut, spinach quiche, White Castle burgers, mini pizzas and boxes of jello shots. One of her friends had the funniest costume I have ever seen.

Yet More Things About My Friends

2006-11-01T13:39:00.000-05:00

Yet More Things About My FriendsIt's been awhile since my last one.Longtime readers might remember my friend Audrey, from the time we dressed up as presents to win IKEA gift cards or the time we invaded a fire house or our random conversations about the depravity of buying KFC chicken without side orders. Well, she and her husband just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She even sent out

Fast Food Gone By

2006-10-28T15:31:00.000-04:00

Fast Food Gone ByIt's no secret that this blog isn't the most politically correct of blogs. I make fun of the way white people like to jump out of planes for fun, rhapsodize over midget pron and think if you live in a country, any country, you should learn to speak the damn language. So let me just add to the mess by posting up a celebration of fast food menu items that have long been eliminated

It's Official

2006-10-26T12:12:00.000-04:00

It's OfficialI am now officially a mom. Getting knocked up with twins didn't do it. Lugging what felt like a boulder around in my waist for months didn't do it. Popping the kids out after 6 weeks in the hospital with pre-term labor (constant IVs sometimes one in each arm, a full body rash and an abscess tooth triggered by steroid injections, migraines, anemia, elevated glucose levels and failing

Party Peoples

2006-10-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Party Peoples This past weekend we went to two birthday celebrations for Tony (spoiled, who gets two birthday parties), Morpheus's Halloween costume party and a pumpkin picking party for our friend Ryan's daughter. So you know, I'm too tired to think of proper segues. I'm just going to post up pictures and list random thoughts about it.No, I don't know why so many guys in this picture are holding

Quickly

2006-10-18T16:10:00.000-04:00

Quickly1. I have the Chicago defense on my fantasy team. Don't hate me because they're beautiful.2. My two favorite random college names are "Duquesne" and "Old Dominion." I don't know a single person who has ever gone to either of those universities, and I doubt I ever will, but they are fun to say.3. This site is the number one Google search result for "meatspin dot com." And you people thought

Apple Picking

2006-10-17T15:38:00.000-04:00

Apple PickingA couple of Sundays ago, I entered the wonderful world of apple picking. Being from California, it was just one of those random activities that I had heard about but never participated in. Apparently it's like a rite of passage. Me, Geo and the girls met up with Paul, Jamie and their boys at the Tewksbury General store in Tewsbury, New Jersey. Which I'm determined to live in by the

My MRI

2006-10-10T00:12:00.000-04:00

My MRIBut first: Yes, I'm having a show tonight, 10 p.m. ET. So that means all of you in the appropriate time zones can do me all the huge favor of watching Friday Night Lights tonight so that it doesn't get canceled. I love that show. "Clear eyes full hearts can't lose."Yesterday I headed to the hospital for an MRA of my head and an MRI of my brain. I had a really bad headache on the left side

More Stuff

2006-10-05T11:55:00.000-04:00

More Stuff1. Bear with me people, I'm on the tail-end of a 6-day-long headache. It's not as bad as it was in the beginning but I'm still having trouble concentrating.2. Hooray for the two Americans who won the Nobel Prize for Medicine recently. I figure we as a society cheer on people who win insignificant awards like the Oscars or the Emmys (just Kiefer though but still) so it's only right to

Top 25 Favorite TV Characters

2006-10-01T23:57:00.000-04:00

Top 25 Favorite TV CharactersI have nothing. I think the new lunar cycle is affecting my hormones which in turn is affecting my sleep patterns which in turn is affecting my writing. Yeah, that's it. So I jacked a post off someone's site (can't remember who) "Top 25 Favorite TV Characters" and also added the anti-favorites because you know that's how I roll. Favorites:Jack Bauer - 24 (YOU KNOW!)

Mexico Sucks, Swastika Pasties and Football IS Everything

2006-09-25T23:59:00.000-04:00

Mexico Sucks, Swastika Pasties and Football IS Everything1. Here's my white noise contribution for the month: I've never watched a single episode of "Dog The Bounty Hunter" and doubt I ever will, though the premise of the show is definitely after my own heart. But it weirds me out that Mexico is going to such lengths to extradite him for trial in their country, for breaking the Mexican law

May I Bork Your Norks

2006-09-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

May I Bork Your Norks(Or: Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume 24)I'd like to say that I prepared some good material for my last show (link coming eventually), but it's you guys and you're not that gullible. Instead, I told a couple of drunk stories, like the fact that last Sunday I woke up and asked Geo where the clothes I wore the night before were. He replied that I had taken them off in the

College Roommates

2006-09-18T23:57:00.000-04:00

College Roommates(This turned out to be a REALLY long post, which I guess makes up for the alleged "not posting enough" that my sister Leah is bitching about.)Today I randomly decided to find out what my two favorite college roommates were up to, since we hadn't spoken in over 5 years. I wasn't able to track them down but it led to some reminiscing. The following is a list and some stories about

Tequila Shots For The Soul

Bulleted Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts... REDUX!!

Naughty Vulva

Sunlight Prevents Hairy Palms

Asian Groceries Are Scary

Woot

Random Stuff Volume 8658456

Top 11 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work

Guilt

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed

The Saga of the Scary Shirts

Random Stuff: Chapter 932

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,956

Hospital Notes Sans the Enemas

Riss's Anatomy

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping

Thoughts On A Friday Night

Random Stuff: Take 421636

With Friends Like These...

Sexbay

Hi

"I'd Love To Shoot You Sometime."

Geo's Friday Night "Assfest"

Hey

Cross Swords

Auto Necrophilia, Duck Farts and Doodle Pro Face-Off

The Green Box

Belief

Favorite Australia Moments: Volume 2

24 Season Six: Hour Nineteen

Meh

Random Thoughts Volume 3295023487059

Conversations With My Three-Year-Old Twins

24: Season Six Hour 16 (I Think)

Favorite Australia Moments: Volume 1

The New Cleopatra

I've Been To A Land Down Under

G'Day Mate

Speed Dial

Random Stuff Take 456

24 Season Six: Hour Thirteen

Stolen Interview

24 Season Six: Hour Twelve

Wiiiiiii, Meat Pies, Competitive Karaoke, Two Bottles of Sake and Three Bottles of Wine

24 Season Six: Hour Twelve

Random Stuff Volume 3.14159265

Have You Ever Seen The Rain

Baby It's Cold Outside

24 Season Six: Hour Eleven

Talk To The Ham

24 Season Six: Hour Ten

My New Tattoo

Meh

I'm An Idiot, Verified

"Your Canal Is Very Tight"

Super Bowl Weekend Recap

24 Season Six: Hour Seven

Conversations with my friends

24 Season Six: Hour Six

Otherworldly

Handle Your Business

Go Colts

Random Memories About Some Of My Girls

Random Memories About Some of My Boys: The West Coast Edition

TV Thoughts

In Defense of Dodgeball

Other Resolutions

Duh

Happy New Year!!!

End Of The Year Letters

Two Dreams

Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume Who Knows

Weird Things

"Four Score and Seven Years Ago..."

Shower Thoughts Are Here Again Doo Da

Bad Smell Karma

I See Drunk People

Groupies

The O.J. Interview