August 19, 2008

Asian Groceries Are Scary

Asian Groceries Are Scary

Ten seconds after entering the frozen food aisle at the Asian grocery last weekend, I was immensely glad that I happened to have my camera with me.

Every fridge needs ketchup, mustard, mayo and congealed pig's
blood. Otherwise what will you put in your sandwiches.

The most popular item at the KFC in Beijing is popcorn chicken hearts.

The second most popular item is Kentucky-fried chicken feet.
Functional and tasty, afterwards you can use them to clean your teeth.

This is just scary on so many levels. The name is hilariously simple
though. When I approached it, carefully, I thought the name would be
something like "Thousand-year dynasty fowl" or something equally exotic.

I prefer my ox feet fresh, so the natural nutrients are retained.
However, frozen ox feet is better than no ox feet.

I guess which pig snout dish to prepare depends wholly on what
type of wine you're serving. A full-bodied red would require
something like "Braised Pig Snout and Figs With Sauteed Broccoli
Florets" whereas something like a German riesling would require a
dish like "Cherry Almond Glazed Pig Snout with Gorgonzola Sauce"

At the risk of sounding repetitive, I really do prefer my pig
tails frozen, which retains both the flavor and natural nutrients
of pig tails. That's real pig tails, versus the hairstyle worn
by the women on those secret video files stashed on your computer.

I laughed out loud at the store. Yeah, I know I'm 12.

There are... no words. Wait, sure there are. "Pig fetuses not included."

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