Conversations About Sex

Conversations About Sex

I always maintained that women were worse than men when it came down to talking about sex. Case in point.. I saved the log from my last chat session with some of my sorority sisters and posted up some of the more interesting quotes:

"I went out with a guy who was 6-8."
"Man, you must have stood to his cock."
"I dumped him because he was gross."
"Yeah because you could only smell his waist area. She was like "Man, I hate my boyfriend. He smells like penis all the time.'"
"He was cute though."
"You mean his dick was cute. You never saw his face."
"Let me go get an eclair."
"My goal is to find a guy who gets off on letting me sleep with other men."
"My husband said I can sleep with other girls..."
"How benevolent of him."
"I was drunk most of the time I met those people."
"What happened to the dick stories?"
"So are we gonna talk about dick again?"
"I can talk about dick."
"We're always game to talk about dick."
"Well, let me just say that the Thai guy I was seeing had a SUPER small weenie..and I couldn't feel it.. and I was drunk so I started laughing!"
"Tell me about it.. once I was like "Is it in yet" and two seconds later he was done. I was like 'THIS IS SEX??????'"
"All that fear of catholic reprisals for THIS???"
"Going on top doesnt matter then.."
"No. Going on top just makes you feel like you're sitting on a jalapeno."
"The Moment of Truth: See, men can guess what a woman's body looks like.. how big her breasts are etc.. but for women it's a crapshoot until you're already way past hugs and kisses.. and then there's the moment of truth.. when you're first reaching for it in the dark... is it a radish or a squash?"
"And then maybe....you're putting out and getting the raw end of the deal."
"When he took off his pants he destroyed the myth that all black men are big.. I left about 10 minutes later."
"Oh no!!! you were about to do him.. but then when you saw his dick you said no way??"
"I should have known... he was only a little taller than me."
"My husband says he knows you."
"My boyfriend knows you."
"Why does everyone's man say they know me? I didn't sleep with them you know."
"You went out with him for a year and you only fucked him once??"
"Did you use the "Let's just be friends" line??"
"Well we had sex.. then I went to the bathroom and puked."
"Note to self: Do not eat before sex."
"My first time was with my boyfriend in high school and it lasted about 4 seconds."
"You were counting?"
"Yes, because I was bored."
"At least it was just 4 seconds. I was bored once for half-an-hour."
"I am not big on thrust. I have a weak back."
"Who was it that was telling the story about the guy that wanted to pee on her?"
"He must be French."
"That's a French thing? Like it's German to shit on you and Japanese to eat off you?"
"All that post-WWII aggression rearing its ugly head in the bedroom. Or bathroom."
"Body shots are yum."
"She likes eating off herself."
"My back can't handle it."
"So you don't have rough sex. She makes love all the time."
"I do too have rough sex."
"No you don't."
"But I get tired."
"Because of your poor back"
"So I just stop."
"In the middle?"
"And I demand a break."
"IN THE MIDDLE???"
"I call it 'times out'"
"She's like 'OHH OHHH YESS YESS YESSSSSSSSS.......oh wait..ouch...we have to stop.' Cock-tease."
"Okay I have to go back to work."
"She doesn't work."
"Yes I do."
"She's a liar."

None of the quotes have been attributed to anybody, for the self-preservation of those involved.