Super Bowl Sunday

Super Bowl Sunday

Car marital conversation of the day:

Geo: Hey when we first met you could have probably banged us all at the same time if you'd asked.
Me: Okay that's not my All-Star gangbang line-up.
Geo: What All-Star gangbang?
Me: You know, the line-up of guys I'd fantasize about doing all at once.
Geo: Oh okay, so who you got on there?
Me: I'm pleading the Fifth. You can go ahead and plead it too. That's what it's there for.

Anyhoo on to the Super Bowl. We decided to watch it at Tony's house instead of going to a bar or something, because we had the girls with us and they don't have I.D. ("Well look at you... you have BABIES. In a BAR.")

New England has always had unbelievable luck and the 1st quarter was no different. The ball placement after that 4th and inches play was ridiculous. Are you motherfuckers blind. I swear I can't understand why even with instant replay these refs still get it wrong. The game dragged for a while, every boring minute punctuated by yet another boring commercial. Why is advertising on such a downward spiral? Is it that everyone is fresh out of new ideas or that every ad campaign has already been done twice? I normally like the Clydesdale commercials but the one with the donkey sucked big donkey balls. The only two commercials I can remember liking was the commercial with Junior and the lipstick, and the NFL commercial that said "starting tomorrow everyone is undefeated" or whatever.

The halftime show was bad then worse then even worse then worst. It's like they were deliberately trying to torment ME. I'm not a big fan of Janet but can tolerate her. Tony called it when he said she was going to sing Rhythm Nation. Then they brought out Puffy and Nelly and I felt the bile start to rise in my throat. Thank God I hadn't touched my second slice of Philly Cheesesteak pizza yet or Tony might have had a new stain on his carpet. Incidentally, trying to get pizza on Super Bowl Sunday is like trying to get a copy of Beloved at a Klan meeting. So anyway, Tony snickers "Is that Michael or Janet" and my halftime ordeal begins. The moral of the story is that one shouldn't complain because things can always get worse. I thought things couldn't get worse but then They proved me wrong and out came Justin Timberlake. I guess in the long run things could have been a lot worse. I could have heard the words "Jenny from the block."

Kuen thinks that "Justin can do better than Cameron" which started a debate of course because I think Justin should be happy with what he's got. He's a big fat flaming hot cheeto who got lucky and rode the wave of America's unexplained love of fruity boy bands to the promised land. And Janet's whole nipple ring exposure MAY have been an "accident" but I severely doubt either of them is feeling anything but private elation. Janet's happy to be out of obscurity and back in the headlines. Justin is happy to be in Madonna-and-Britney-kiss league. MTV is happy to get more of their Jackass-esque shock publicity. Liberal people are happy because Janet has nice tits and they got to see them. Conservative people are happy because now they have something to complain about, while secretly being titillated by prime time soft porn. Everyone wins. She does have nice breasts though. I dig the nipple ring.

My ideal halftime show would consist of Eminem, Blink182 or Linkin Park, Outkast and (to quote Geo) "the ghost of Aaliyah." He's right. I tried to pick amongst all the wannabe divas that plague the music industry with their sound engineered garbage but I failed. I miss Aaliyah.

Back to the game... I hate Adam Vinatieri. I HATE him. Why does he have to be so damn good? Why can't he suck every once in awhile, especially when playing against a team I like. Yes I'm still bitter that he sent my Raiders to a snowy grave two years ago. That kind of bitterness is not something you let go of easily. What a horrible ending to such a good second half. What the hell were Carolina's coaches thinking. They should have gone for the first down and burned more time. They didn't need desperation plays to the end zone. Why didn't they just hand the football to the Pats and go home to their mommas.

After the game everyone was pissed so we switched the channel to Comedy Central and watched Dave Chapelle's show. He came out smoking a stoge. "Cigarettes are 8 bucks a pack... that's crack prices. People are going to be sucking dick for cigarettes soon." HAHAHAHA. Sadly enough, people were doing that back in '95 when smokes were 4 bucks a pack. No, not me you assholes. I was on the phone with Abel once at like 3am, he was on a payphone in (you guessed it) Jersey City and some crackhead walked up and was like "Yo, I'll suck your dick for a cigarette." Well at least it was a cigarette and not a tic-tac or a packet of ketchup or something.