Regan's Ceremony

I thought about writing a long post about how I cried every time they played "Hail To The Chief" when Reagan's casket was brought forward, how I raged every time I heard some liberal talking shit on TV and how I was reminded how much I love this country, because people are allowed to talk that shit on national television, during a funeral for someone who once held the highest office in America. Although I must say that some people have no class... can't you at least wait until after his burial before you talk your shit? Let me just go to the funeral of your mother, walk by her coffin and then tell the story of the time I caught her snorting cocaine off the postman's dick. Because that's the appropriate time to say things like that of course. Or this woman on TV who was complaining that she was stuck where she was because the funeral procession was blocking her way to work. Nice, you stupid whore. Maybe when your husband or mother or son dies, there will be people bitching outside the cemetary that they can't get to McDonald's and get a cheeseburger because your loved one's decomposing body is blocking the fucking way.

Like I'm watching Fox 5 news and during the funeral procession they've got a running commentary going like "Some people have talked about his great love with Nancy, but that great love actually alienated their kids." Okay. That may or may not be true. But can you save it for after the funeral? Like after JFK was assassinated, were there reporters on TV saying "Jackie Kennedy looks so sad, but he didn't love her as much as he loved banging Marilyn Monroe?" Somehow I fucking doubt it.

I did laugh a few times though. Most notably when I read that some people are angry because they blame Reagan for the presence of drugs in their communities. Um, there wouldn't be drugs in your community if you didn't buy them, sell them and do them. You think there's widespread drug use in the Mormon populations of Utah? No dumb ass. Because there's no demand for them. Stop selling the drugs, stop using the drugs and there won't be any in your fucking community.

And for the record, people who are against affirmative action aren't automatically racists. I could benefit from affirmative action yet I despise it. I think it's a step backwards just like I think feminists like Patricia Ireland only foster the idea that women are incapable of being uninfluenced by emotion and hinder women trying to do well "in a man's world." Affirmative action only fosters racism, because it spreads the idea that "minorities" aren't qualified to get into college or get hired at a good job on their own. Keep your free ticket. I'll WORK for my own success thank you very much. Dammit I'm digressing. And this is turning into that post. Let me go calm down. And no, I'm not a fucking hypocrite. When President Clinton dies I'm going to feel sorry for his daughter and out of respect shut the fuck up during his funeral ceremonies. I'm not going to use the news coverage of his death as my personal bully pulpit to talk shit about him, his policies and his private life.

Oh I was at IKEA yesterday (I need to devote a whole long post to IKEA, it's like heaven on earth) and in the elevator some 50-ish white guy came in.

Guy: Oh are they twins?
Riss: Yup.
Guy: You need to start them young and tell them to beware of taxes.
Riss: I'm sure they'll hear me rant about them more than a few times.
Guy: Oh Good. And tell them to beware of Republicans.
Riss: Well I can't, considering their mother is a Republican.
Guy: Oh, I feel sorry for them then.
Riss: Kind of like I feel sorry for your lazy, promiscuous, drug-addicted, atheist children.

Nahh I didn't say that. I didn't want to stoop to his level. So I just laughed sarcastically. I also wanted to point out that his personal ideology was interesting, being that he was so against taxes and yet a liberal. Taxation is pretty much the foundation of the liberal ideology I thought. Liberals are taught at liberal school that reducing taxes is evil because it adds to the national deficit, supports corporate America and takes money away from programs like welfare. But then I figured going on a political diatribe in the middle of an 8-second IKEA elevator ride would take too much effort. Oh my God. Two years ago that exchange would have been virulent and probably loud. The unthinkable has happened. Motherhood HAS mellowed me. I guess you all should just sit back and wait for monkeys to fly out of your butt now.