July 9, 2005

Smart and Not Smart

Smart and Not Smart

But first, I just want to say that my thoughts are with all the people in London who were affected by yesterday's tragedy. I won't get all political at this moment, but I will say that the people who justify events like this, by tossing us into the same category as the terrorists, piss me the fuck off. Yes there have been tragic civilian casualties in Iraq/Afghanistan. But I somehow missed the memo that said our armed forces were TARGETING them, as opposed to the terrorists, who are in fact trying to kill as many civilians as possible with every strike. Otherwise they would be hitting our military facilities and arsenals, not buses, office buildings, discos and grocery stores.

Seriously though, I'll save that for another day. Today, we're going to play a new game called smart and not smart.

Like this...

SMART: Curling your hair with one of those auto shut-off curling irons.
NOT SMART: Curling your hair while taking a bath.

Here we go.

SMART: Crossing the street when you see someone who, but for the insanity of our justice system, would have been convicted for brutally murdering his wife and the guy she was banging.
NOT SMART: Moving in with him and then provoking a violent fight with him.

SMART: Running on a track or in a park or on a treadmill.
NOT SMART: Running around with half-ton bulls.

SMART: Proposing to your girlfriend in a unique way.
NOT SMART: Proposing to your girlfriend after setting yourself on fire.

SMART: Marrying a man you love.
NOT SMART: Marrying a man you love who's a member of a cult and sics a babysitter on you.

SMART: Keeping the people who are affected by tragedy in your thoughts or prayers.
NOT SMART: Using tragedy to extend your 15 minutes of dubious fame.

SMART: Having a healthy sex life regardless of age.
NOT SMART: Thinking people don't have normal sex lives after the age of 25.

SMART: Not being a fucking thief.
NOT SMART: Being a thief, who photographs his crimes, then leaves the camera behind for the police to find.

SMART: Being in love with Michael Vartan.
NOT SMART: Being in love with Michael Douglas and threatening to kill his wife.

SMART: Not eating McDonald's or Burger King 3 times a day.
NOT SMART: Not eating.

SMART: Lying to your boyfriend when he asks if your ex was good in bed.
NOT SMART: Lying to protect violent men with guns and going to jail for it.

SMART: Raising sheep.
ALSO NOT SMART: Raising sheep near a cliff.

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