People I Don't Trust

People I Don't Trust

I'm going to clue you guys in on a little secret. There are some people out there I just don't trust. And they are:

People who don't eat meat.
People who don't drink liquor.
People who don't read books.
People who don't watch any television.
People who don't watch movies.
People who don't masturbate.
People who eat tofu.
People who like exercising too much.
People who don't exercise at all.
People who don't "really go on that internet thing."
People who don't like sports.
People who jump out of planes willingly or climb rocks.
People who write "should of" or "would of" or "could of."
People who don't really listen to music.
People who don't like dogs.
People who don't like kids.
People who like dogs too much. Or kids.
People who don't understand the importance of food.
People who don't like to shop.
People who have never seen Star Wars.
People who say "I'll let you go." Just say you have to go.
People who like cleaning.
People who are slovenly.
People who have cats.
People who don't eat fast food.
People who eat too much fast food.
People who don't like porn.
People who like porn a little too much.
People who work in fashion, film or sports.
People who bring more than 15 items into the 10 items or less lane (I mean come on, you're just fucking pushing it.)
People who love their jobs.
People who wear too much cologne or perfume.
People who don't like Harry Potter.
People who dress up as Harry Potter.
People who can hold their pee comfortably for hours.
People who drive too fast.
People who go to dance clubs but don't dance.
People who go to bars but don't drink.
People who don't like sweets.
People who actually read this whole thing. Go do some work.

And yes, I realize that every single person I know including myself falls on this list.

Also on the list, exes who tried to kill you last Saturday:

It doesn't look as if I'm taking the threat seriously
because I'm not. This is a common theme with us. I make
a snarky comment and he puts me in a headlock or more
commonly, pushes me and I go flying several feet. Fucker
doesn't know his own strength. Yeah right, he knows.

Kwam has reminded me that I also don't trust people who are left-handed (Mike).

Also:

People who liked Napoleon Dynamite. People who QUOTE it are even less trustworthy.
People who are really plastic-surgeried.
People who have perfect credit (responsible motherfuckers).
People who are too religious.
People who aren't religious at all.
People who eat things like "arugula" and "cous-cous."
People who like Kobe Bryant.
People who deliberately wait two rings before picking up the phone.
People who only use one or two sheets of toilet paper.
People who wear JLo or Puffy brand clothes.
People who blurk and have never said hi to me even once. HI!!! HI!!!
People who are really tall. Okay, just T.
People who are gay but pretend they're straight.
People who are straight but pretend they're gay.
People who pronounce harrassment as "hairass-ment."
People who get excited over juice.