January 16, 2002

Sometimes Women Are So Lame

Sometimes Women Are So Lame

So an unnamed friend of mine is getting married this year and is attempting to have a last hurrah with some girl he had hooked up with in college. She sends him an e-mail in which the body consisted solely of "o Romeo, O romeo, where for art thou...." (which I will take to mean "O Romeo Romeo, Wherefore art thou Romeo?") So my unnamed friend later on in the e-mails back and forth attempts to get frisky by suggesting they might one day in the near future exchage a kiss (I know, don't get me started) and she replies:

"I think that would not be such a good idea. A nice fantasy, perhaps. But the fact that you will be married in 6 months. And me, not wanting to scar an innocent bystander emotionally, your fiance. I am not capable of anything more than allowing it to happen in my mind, where at the very least, it happened perfectly, in spring just as it started to rain, softly, one cool Sunday in April just before dusk, under a tree in central park."

OH MY GOD COULDN'T YOU JUST VOMIT!?!?! There's enough bad in this world without adding a bunch of would-be Hemingways. I accidentally made a gagging sound while I was reading it and my boss asked me what was wrong, to which I replied "I can't tell you it will nauseate you."

The one I can't get over is "And me, not wanting to scar an innocent bystander emotionally, your fiance" First of all, could you BE any more corny?? Second of all, she must have been smoking some good ass shit. Where was this concern for a stranger's feelings when she called out to her "Romeo"??? Women kill me, they really do. Let me give you a little hint boys, women don't care about your girlfriend. There is nothing more attractive to (MOST, MOST WOMEN NOT ALL) women that you being attractive to other women. It's kind of like when you were a kid... you didn't want to play with the toy you had, you wanted to play with the toy that other kid had. Women want to play with the guy that other woman has. You want to get laid in the bathroom of a bar?? Put on a wedding ring, any ring as long as it's on the left ring finger.

I know a lot of my sistas will take issue with the title of this post so let me just take a moment to say that men are just as lame. I received a love letter in high school once written in gang writing (you know that illegible scrawl you see on the side of freeways and Korean liquor stores). It was signed "FO' LIFE" I kid you not.

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