January 28, 2002

Delilah's Den

Delilah's Den

Well it's Monday morning and for once I am glad to be at work. I actually went out and did young people stuff (instead of just sit around and read or watch TV) and I am exhausted. Usually weekends go by really fast and around 3 p.m. on Sunday I freak out and go "Damn it's Sunday already?" But this weekend seemed to last an eternity. When 3 p.m. rolled around on Sunday I was like "Thank God." So on Friday against my better judgement I decided to go clubbing even though I worked the whole day. Yeah that's not ever happening again. By 1 am I was a sleepy, belligerent person who was screaming at those drunken hoes and wannabe players that seem to infest the club scene like some aggressive bacteria. I know, I know, it's a party and it's not their fault they're drunk and bumping into everyone and spilling their drinks all over people blah blah blah. Whatever, it IS their fault. It's always the fault of the person who goes out in public and can't act like a human. I can't STAND it when people drink so much in public that even something as simple as remaining upright becomes a losing battle.

On Saturday me, George, Tony, Pete, Jeselle and Phil went to some strip joint in Old Bridge called "Delilah's Den." Now I consider myself fairly used to strip joints since we always go to Lace but this was just another world. It's pretty much a room with all your usual tacky strip club decor, with a stage in the middle and chairs all around it. But the difference was these women take EVERYTHING off. The worst part was the place doesn't serve liquor so I was completely sober during all of this and damn, strip clubs are really pathetic when you're not drunk. I mean it was really, really sad. You've got these women up there who obviously have mental issues (I mean even if one is stripping to pay for school it doesn't change the fact that she has no self-respect) and these men who obviously have severe social issues. The worst part of it was these women were up there completely exposed and they must make far less than the girls at Lace who only have to remove their tops. At Lace the girls keep the money they make from lap dances, $20 for three minutes pretty much. The house profits from the unbelievable amount of liquor consumed there at $8 per drink so everyone, including the men who drop several hundred dollars for DSB (dead sperm buildup) are happy. But in Delilah's Den there were no lap dances going on in the main floor so whatever it is they're doing for money it's probably not as easy as dancing on someone's lap for the duration of "Genie In A Bottle."

The best part of the strip club was the look on Jeselle's face. This was Jeselle's first time at a strip club so she sat up front...this might have been a good idea at Lace but at this joint it was a whole different experience. "Openly repulsed" is a phrase that comes to mind when picturing her facial expression..."Complete and utter disgust" and "overwhelmed with revulsion" are also functional phrases. I had to scream at her to get her to give them dollars, she was afraid to touch them. It was pretty hysterical. My conversation with Tony:

Me: Tony...they're sticking their fingers up themselves then touching men's faces...isn't anyone else weirded out by that? It doesn't seem very sanitary.
Tony: What do you mean?
Me: Well I mean hello...you don't know what she did before you got here. Maybe she banged her boyfriend at which point his sperm is now on that guy's face.
Tony: Eeew!! Stop you're ruining it!!!

You mean I'm the only one who's thought of this??

After the strip club we went to one of those bar lounges in the Lower East Side which are the size of my bathroom and packed with people. I was sober of course (since once again Delilah's Den does NOT sell liquor) but still ended up yelling at some guy. I was trying to get Tony to kick it to random girls so he picks one out and I introduced myself to her to pave the way in for him. He talks to her for awhile and the guy on the other side of her gets pissed because he had been trying to talk to her too but I cockblocked him when I introduced her to Tony. So the girl leaves and I take her seat and the conversation goes like this:

Dumb guy: (Taps me on the shoulder) She had a boyfriend you know.
Me: (Acting like he's so insignificant I have no idea what he's talking about) Who?
Dumb guy: The girl that was sitting here.
Me: So?
Dumb guy: I'm just telling you.
Me: (Misunderstanding just to be a bitch) What do I care, I wasn't trying to get at her.
Dumb guy: Forget it you're misunderstanding me
Me: Okay what did you mean then?
(Dumb guy ignores me)
Me: Hello...turn around. (Dumb guy still ignores me) I FUCKING SAID TURN AROUND. Don't act like you can't hear me you started this fucking conversation.
Dumb guy: Whatever, you don't understand. She had a boyfriend.
Me: So I'm just trying to find out why you felt the need to tell me that. Was I trying to get into her pants?
Dumb guy: Whatever.
Me: She wouldn't have gone out with you anyway you know, even if she was single. You're ugly AND stupid.

I left at that point to go stand in line for one of the TWO toilets this joint has and when I got back the guy was gone. Awwww... was it something I said??

Funny moment #23 of the night: This was my first time hanging out with Phil and he's mad cool but seems to be one of those people that doesn't realize what he says might be offensive to the other person. Jeselle has been trying to convince us all that Asian people have "green things on their asses." By green thing she means a green-colored, birthmark-type bruise not a barnacle. So she's expounding on her theory and Phil thinks she's getting all this because she's actually seen many of these alleged green things on Asian peoples' asses and begins his commentary by saying "Well you've obviously been around so..." I almost spit out my drink (luckily it went up my nose instead). Jeselle was like..." EXCUSE ME???" and of course starts yelling. I watch them for a few minutes laughing my ass off then proceed to jump in on Jeselle's side just cuz it was too funny. Anyway Phil didn't really understand what he had said to tick Jeselle off, so after a few minutes of enjoying his discomfort (and after I had finished laughing) I went over and smoothed things out. I explained to him that Jeselle wasn't talking about the green things from widespread personal observation, but that she had read it in some medical journal (Incidentally, what kind of medical journal was this??)

After the little pretend bar we went back to my pad and talked shit to each other while George made breakfast. I didn't get to sleep until about 8 am and I haven't done that in almost a year. It felt good in a way... like life wasn't all problems, work and responsibility. I haven't felt like that in a long while.

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