February 16, 2002

Asian Parties

Asian Parties

So last night I went to the first "Asian Party" I'd been to for over a year. Nothing much has changed. It was the usual cast of characters...the wannabe players...the real players...the skanks..the elegants....the wannabe elegants who are really skanks... the wannabe skanks who just end up looking stupid...the old guys who wear suits...the 16-year-olds who hold onto their Midori Sours and try to look adult...the girl who get wasted and spend two hours in the bathroom surrounded by 8 of her friends...the white guys who have Asian fetishes (otherwise known as Asiaphiles. Definition: a.sia.phile - noun, A non-Asian guy who only goes out with Asian women and believes they are "exotic, sensual, suberservient creatures." Likely to have an assortment of "Oriental" souvenirs in his bedroom, including but not limited to an "Oriental" fan above his bed. Highly disgusting, keep away from all Asian women except sellouts).... the people who are at the club and on the phone having long ass conversations (wtf?? Why are you at the club then??)...that one guy who dances all by himself in the huge open space between the dance floor and the bar...and the glow sticks....those stupid, annoying glow sticks. Unless you're dealing X there is no reason you should be holding glow sticks, at least if you're dealing you look stupid for a financial purpose.

It took approximately 3 seconds for the reason I stopped going to these things to come vividly rushing back to me. There were some peripheral characters there that were amusing. There were these three guys dressed like the Backstreet Boys (funky shirts, thick plastic-framed glasses, crazy pants and much suede everywhere). One of them was even wearing leather pants...didn't he learn anything from Ross on Friends?? "It's congealing...the lotion and the powder are forming some kind of paste!!" The people I hate most are the drunk people who can't dance normally, because they keep lurching off balance and bumping into you. I always end up getting really annoyed and push them away from me...no elbows even, no nudging... just two hands applying much pressure on their drunken selves.

Anyway, the number one reason I never go to Asian parties is because of the music. It's bad enough having to listen to dance music (is that what the fucking genre is called...not quite house and not quite pop)...but to have to listen to it at such a volume while having to watch people try and freak each other to it is just too much. Why do Asian people always do this?? Is it some recessive gene that makes them think bumping and grinding to a fast-paced techno song is a stellar idea? It's just weird... anyway I shouldn't be complaining. It's not like Filipino parties don't have similar characters, it's just the music is better. You get to watch people trying to get down and dirty on their knees to DMX ("Where my dogs at") and shit like "Big Pimpin." The ratio of wannabe players also goes up exponentially when you hit up a Filipino party. At white people parties, all bets are off. They freak to ANYTHING....dance...house...hip-hop...reggae...Sarah Maclachlan...Bette Midler...The Violent Femmes...NSync...Garth...Enya. Anything goes.

So me, Tony and Kuen ended up just hanging out in the back where they had some tables set up. We pretty much sat around and bullshitted for two hours which to me is a good night. I made fun of Tony a lot, but I couldn't restrain myself cuz he was buzzed (not that he'd ever admit it) and providing me with much ammo.

Quote of the night (courtesy of Kuen): "There was this guy at my work that I thought must be gay...but it turns out he's just French."

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