Post of the Unnamed Friends
The funniest conversations from yesterday transpired with two of my friends who shall remain nameless, unless you pay me $20 at which point I'll gladly sell them out. Or you could ply me with alcohol, which would take a lot more money. I admit I have a tendency to be like Elaine from Seinfeld... 8 shots of Black Haus and I'm going "And then she banged the entire team.....TWICE!!!"
Anyways I'll more or less paraphrase the first conversation but the second one is verbatim.
First Unnamed Friend: So I was in this hotel the other night with some work friends and got a little bored at the bar. I decided to walk around and came to a really cool display. Apparently some Spanish galleon sunk off the coast of Florida and divers brought up some of the treasures that had gone down with the ship. Each display had a few written paragraphs detailing the history of the pieces. So I was over there by myself, reading all this information when I felt someone brush by me. Normally this wouldn't be cause for alarm but there was plenty of space for this person to walk past....and I could have sworn this guy grabbed my ass. I distinctly felt what might be described as "cuppage."
Me: WHAT?!?! *moment of silence* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *wiping tears*
First Unnamed Friend: At first I thought it was this girl from my work messing around, but when I looked up it was some guy. And he gave me this "I'm sorry" look but it was kind of combined with...
Me: A "But if you're interested I'm here" look?
First Unnamed Friend: YES! I didn't know whether or not I should kick his ass or not....what do girls normally do in that situation?
Me: They turn around and say "Did you just grab my ass?!?!"
First Unnamed Friend: Haha really?.....What's funny is that if this had happened back home and my friends that I usually hang out with had been there, I would have gone back to the bar and told them and we would have had a good laugh about it. But as it was I just went back to the bar and sat down and drank my drink really quietly.
Me: *still giggling but making an effort to stifle it* Like you'd been violated... Was he cute at least?
First Unnamed Friend: Your sterotypical gay guy.
I search for something appropriate to say but fail miserably and instead say:
"Can I write about this in my weblog???" (Which to give credit where credit is due, is a lot better than what I was going to say which was "Maybe he just wanted to get a better look at your dubloons.")
Five hours later...
Second Unnamed Friend: So I actually saw an Asian woman with really big breasts the other day.
Me: Was she Korean? Cuz sometimes Korean women can be relatively large-breasted.
Second Unnamed Friend: She was Japanese. But I was looking at her and thinking there MUST be some white in there somewhere.
Me: Like maybe she's part Swedish or Italian or something.
Second Unnamed Friend: Or maybe German.
Me: Or she could be part Russian. Russian women are often large-breasted.
Second Unnamed Friend: Really? So that's where my sister gets it from.
Me: Umm...okay, that's not anything you ever want to say. Some things should never be discussed about one's sister. Unless you're in Appalachia, at which point all the guys at the table can chime in about THEIR sisters.
After that he looked kind of embarrassed, like I had caught him looking at transsexual porn or something.