May 28, 2002

Memorial Day Weekend Roundup

Memorial Day Weekend Roundup

I didn't really do that much this weekend, just a lot of house stuff really. Aesthetic improvement not functional improvement. Home Depot is so much fun. My living room is mad cute now.

Anyway, my weekend started pretty early. Last Friday I was getting ready to post when Paul and MPip came walking over with all their stuff. "Let's go get a beer." Quick glance at my watch verified that it was exactly 2:28. "Aight." We ended up at a rooftop bar down the block but it was hot as hell. Paul and MPip bounced pretty fast but luckily Drew and Afro walked in so I chilled for awhile longer. Okay, okay. I chilled for 5 drinks and 3 hours longer.

One thing I did this weekend that I wish I could erase was watch basketball. Am I a glutton for punishment or what?? The idea of a Boston-L.A. final (which I'm sure the league is currently masturbating over right now) makes me want to vomit. By the way...

<--- Official insignia of the "Kobe Cries Like a Little Bitch" Club

Yesterday, Geo and I went into the city to the Intrepid which all the other Navy boats were docked next to. There were too many people there for us to go on any of the boats, but it was cool even just seeing them. Sailor-watching was really fun with George because he used to be in the Navy and so he told me what rank all the sailors we saw were.

Riss: "Oooh look at that older guy, what's he??"
Geo: "He's an officer."
Riss: "Yeah I know but what kind?"
Geo: "Commander."
Riss: "How can you tell?"
Geo: "He's got three stripes."
Riss: *singing* "Cuz it's one....two...three stripes you're out at the old ball gaaaaaaaaaame...."

Afterwards we picked up Lani and headed down to Caliente Cab Company in the Village for some "Mexican food" and drinks. I say "Mexican food" because there is nowhere in the tri-state area that you will find decent Mexican food at. It's just impossible. Then again what was I expecting when I walked into the Mexican food place run by Chinese people?? Sometimes I really, really miss California. Mike met us over there and somehow we ended up doing a shot of some really disgusting tequila that supposedly everyone loves. He said people like it because it doesn't have the burn of regular tequila. I told him tequila without the burn is like beer without alcohol. And I'm not really trying to crack open a bottle of O'Doul's. Why are people who want something "smooth" drinking tequila?? That's like going to a club to take a nap. They should be drinking Courvoisier or something.

Some interesting people I took note of:
1. The white guy in the "Black Panthers" shirt
2. The group of gay guys that looked as if their average age was 14
3. Some weird-looking chic that got kicked out of the restaurant for having sex with some guy in the only working stall in the women's restroom.
4. "John" or "Jim" the Marine who walked up and tried to talk to us. Later on Lani complained I had "fed her to the wolves" because the moment he was done shaking my hand I bounced over to where George was standing. She needs to not complain and just move away faster. You snooze you lose!!
5. Two fat women who were blocking an entire jewelry seller's table with their mass and their rudeness. I reached around them to look at a necklace and after I moved to the other side I heard them start whispering shit to each other. I knew it was about me so I was trying to stifle my laughter while listening in when all of a sudden I hear Lani go "Oh God, shut up." HAHAHAHA Can you believe Lani said that?? And she said it right to them too. Funny as hell. As we were walking away she was like "What, they were taking up the space of 4 people. Why shouldn't someone reach around people who take up too much space?" Somehow I don't think I've been a very positive influence in Lani's life. When I go to meet my Maker he's not going to talk about the Gluttony or the Lust or the Wrath he's going to be like "Lani was one of the sweetest people in the world until she met you. How the fuck are you going to walk up in here like you belong and shit when you straight up corrupted one of my flock??" Wouldn't it be funny if in Heaven they spoke in slang?

The other day Paul sent me an e-mail entitled "chandra" that said "i am going to h**l for saying this...but don't you think condit could have chosen someone a little more, umm, to have an affair with?" The way I see it, when politicians have affairs with young interns most of the time they're not doing it because that chic inspired lust. Usually, she's just really convenient when they're working long hours and need a quick pick-me-up. Look at Monica Lewinsky. There are VERY FEW people on this earth less attractive than her, but she sucked the most powerful man in the world's dick for quite a few months.

Anyway I told Paul not to worry about the threat of hell (as if his atheist self really was) since I've always said there must be about 3 people in Heaven. If you think about Catholic dogma... Heaven has to be emptier than an art exhibit in Nebraska. And even if it wasn't....a place where no one lies, gambles, drinks, cheats, lusts, eats well or lazes around?? Um yeah, sounds like a fun crowd.

But I digress.

The funniest moment of last night was when some guy tried to talk to Lani by reaching for her boob. Her arm blocked his way but of course she was still trippin. I started laughing about it and she told me it wasn't funny. I told her "Sure it was, it's like when your friend trips and falls. If she didn't hurt herself you get to laugh."

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