May 24, 2002

"I Want To Be a Jedi Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

"I Want To Be a Jedi Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" *sneefle*

I finally saw Episode 2 and I liked it. I thought the characters in it were boring though compared to Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn and Darth Maul but at least Jar Jar Binks' role was minimal. I suck at writing movie reviews... I lack the ability to pretentiously start raving about independent films only 12 people watched, all of whom were movie critics. So to make it easy I'll just list my thoughts:

1. Could Anakin have whined any more?? I was like "Come on man you're a Jedi!!! Jedi Knights aren't supposed to be pussies!!" and "Stop acting like a little bitch!!! You're Darth Vader for God's sake!!!" If I were his girlfriend everytime he whined I would bitchslap him with his own light saber. Anakin is cute though, even if I can't understand why Padme fell in love with him. You know she wasn't thinking about him all those years in "that way" because he was like 9 years old when she last saw him and she didn't trigger my pedophile alert in Episode 1. I guess he just whined her into it until finally her heart was like "Oh God I'll do anything just shut him up already!!" Anakin bugged me for most of the movie but in the end I liked him. I think that's because I know he's Darth Vader though.
2. The fight scenes should have lasted longer. They should have shown more of Anakin cutting down the Tusken Raiders. Yoda's fight scene should have been a tad bit longer and so should Anakin's in the end, especially when he was rocking two light sabers. Obi-Wan should have been a tad bit stronger in the end too. It's been 10 years since he became a full Jedi Knight. He was bangin' in the beginning of the movie when he dove through that window but by the end he was blahh. I still love him though. Mace Windu's fight scene with Jenga Fett was also too short which leads into my next bullet point...
3. Jenga Fett should have been more ruthless. I'm not expecting to ever again in a Star Wars movie see a villain as awesome as Darth Maul. But at least don't bore me. I liked the clones though. It was good to see them take down the droid army. Those droids are annoying as hell "Roger roger."
4. I missed Qui-Gon Jinn. And during a couple of scenes they played Darth Maul's theme music and I missed him too.
5. I want to live on Naboo. That planet has got to have the prettiest scenery I've ever seen in a movie. Whoever conceptualized and implemented that visually deserves some sort of Oscar. Courzant and Kamino were pretty bad ass as well.
6. "You will not sell me death sticks. You will go home and rethink your life." That cracked me up.
7. Let me just be a girl for a moment and say that I really liked Padme's brown outfit when she and Anakin were rolling around in that field. Let me just be a guy for a moment and say that backless number was pretty dope too.
8. How awesome was that scene at the end when all the Jedis were in the arena?? In the Star Wars trilogy I was firmly on the side of the Empire but in Episodes 1 and 2 I've been all about the Jedi. Maybe it's because I never liked Luke Skywalker even when I was a kid, because I thought he was too whiny. It's kind of a blow to my childhood memories to find out that Darth Vader was just as whiny as a boy. Damn that Skywalker Y-chromosome!!
9. Padme Amidala is an awesome character. She seems to have no bad qualities whatsoever and yet she hasn't placed herself on a soapbox and passed judgement on all who pass. The new Queen of the Naboo is kind of lame, but then again she only had one teensy scene. I thought Queen Amidala (when she wasn't the handmaiden) was lame as well in Episode 1 until the scene at the Senate.
10. Geo's take on why Padme is the only one Anakin listens to: "He has to listen to her. He wants some ass."

Final judgement: "4 snaps up in Z formation!!" I'm watching it again tomorrow.

I was explaining the storyline of how Senator Palpatine became Chancellor Palpatine then Emperor Palpatine to MPip this morning, and he says "So it's like if Ralph Nader and the Green Party somehow took over the world and did evil things?" I replied "Yes and he would be Darth Nader."

Yes!!! Puns are the lowest form of humor!!

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