Whiffleball and Great Adventure

Weekend Roundup: Whiffleball and Great Adventure

Me, Geo, Audrey and Brian went to Great Adventure yesterday. Got the whole amusement park thing out of my system for at least a year. There was no one there so we rode all of our favorite rides multiple times each. The best was convincing Brian and Aud to go on water rides like Congo Rapids and The Log Flume because they're so grossed out by the water. The only truly disgusting part of the day was when we were in line for Batman Chiller and some chica puked up red slushee and white stuff in line. Then she stayed in line, puked some more and got on the ride. She sat right in front of Audrey, which I think for her, provided the fear the ride normally tries to evoke.

One thing I noticed during the day was the latest trend of wearing shorts with writing on the back. This apparently is the latest trend in the "Please look at me I'm starved for attention" category of fashion. Some chic was wearing shorts with (I assume it was supposed to be) "HOTTIE" on the ass but she was so big and the shorts were so tight it came out looking like "HOT TIE." Attractive. One thing that bothered me was the abundance of little girls whose parents allowed them to wear these. The purpose of these shorts is to attract attention to the wearer's butt. Why in God's name would any parent WANT to attract attention to their 10-year-old daughter's ass?? Why don't you just tie her up naked and deliver her to the pedophile's house along with a bottle of barbeque sauce? Saves them the trouble of having to buy the rope, then camping outside your house with a pair of binoculars to monitor your daily schedule.

All throughout the park there were 11-year-old girls in bikinis and 40-year-old men ogling them. It was disgusting at first but then I guess you become inured to it, like playing Grand Theft Auto. At first you're bothered when you beat the driver of the convertible with a bat to get his car, but three minutes later you're beating the shit out of the hooker because you can't figure out why she won't come into the car and bang you.

Anyway, by the end of the day I had reached the conclusion that society shouldn't be surprised at the pedophilia which seems to run rampant throughout the country these days (another 5-year-old was taken screaming from her front yard just yesterday). If you think about it, we are a society that venerates youth and punishes people physically, mentally, socially and emotionally for the unstoppable and quite natural phenomenon of aging. We don't think twice about questioning why a 22-year-old college grad with no experience would be better for the job than a 50-year old man with 25 years experience. We don't think twice about why a fashion model's career normally ends at 26. We don't think twice about questioning why a 35 year-old-man would be turned on by a 13-year-old girl. Why should we be surprised that some 40-year-old man is turned on by the youth of a 5-year-old girl? Yes, I'm the only person that comes out of Great Adventure with socio-political messages. It was really disgusting yesterday though. Like I washed off more than park water when I came home. Now it's certain: I never want to have a daughter. Please God let me only have sons!!!

Right before the park closed we hightailed it to the games area so Audrey could bully some 2 year-old Korean girl into not playing one of the games so Aud could win a Sponge Bob Square Pants doll for her 21-year-old brother Andrew. If only she and Brian played then she was guaranteed the win. Aud has very Machiavellian tendencies, but those of you that know her already know that. And yes, I got her a funnel cake.

The Other Two Days
On Sunday, me, Geo, Net and Nev dropped by their neighbor's house for his son's first birthday party. As is the tradition at all Filipino baby showers and birthday parties, there was an abundance of alcohol there. Including a brand spanking new bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label on every table. Yeah, I was feeling lovely. Except when some dumb bitch made a snide comment to my dog. "Oh no dog, I just took a shower." After hearing that I made sure Geo knew to cut off the alcohol supply if I started getting loud. I hate it when people talk smack to my dog but it wouldn't be good to cause a ruckus up in Tito Rene's party. That didn't stop Nev though, who was pretty incensed when a group of adults watched his 2-year-old son Noble run towards the street and didn't try to stop him. I believe his exact words to them were "All you people are assholes." Then again, Nev is allowed to cause a ruckus since his wife's parents own the house we were partying at.

On Saturday I went to Audrey's house for a barbeque and played whiffleball for the first time ever. Damn that game is mad fun. And I'm not just saying that because I had a couple beers before the game and one during every inning. The teams were Staten Island (Tom, Andrew and Rizzo, some guy who I have no idea what his real first name was) versus New Jersey (me, Andy and Eugene).Eugene should play professional whiffle ball. No really. At the very least he should play in some sort of Whiffle Ball World Series. The guy was amazing. Most of our 21 runs came from his RBIs. Andy was really good too, except that he was doing a shot of whisky for every home run. Their friend Dom came over and would tell him to drink and I think Andy was so drunk he didn't realize he had intended to do a shot for every home run, not every single run. Oh well. We started off with a solid 10-run lead but as our team got further inebriated, the gap closed. We won by one run though. Good times.