My cousin Dana almost got us (me, her and her friend Myra) kicked out of a gay bar in the village (where else) last night. I was really looking forward to seeing the effeminate bouncers try and forcibly remove us from the premises, but they looked like they didn't want to get involved. The guy Dana was going off on was pretty diesel too. Must be all that Men's Health. See, gay men read magazines like that, look at the sculpted bodies and get inspired. Women read magazines like Cosmopolitan, look at the voluptuous (yet "somehow" skinny) women and decide to go have a pint of ice cream. The funniest part was when the guy's friend stepped in to defend him. The guy was some heterosexual, dorky-looking Jewish guy in a yarmulke. He came off like some overly politically-correct loser who hangs out with gay guys to prove to society that homphobia is wrong. I hate over-zealous politically correct people. I just want to tell them they should learn to love themselves and stop trying to be something they're not.

Dana also went downstairs and cut in on a gay couple who looked about 3-seconds away from doing it on the dance floor. One was a Latin guy and the other was a white boy. The white boy was the catcher in the relationship, he oozed pettiness and self-doubt. I thought he was going to scratch Dana's eyes out for daring to speak to his man. Dana admitted later that she was just drunk and wanted to dance. Troublemaker.

After we got home, Dana passed out in my bathroom but I screamed her out of it and onto my couch. I took a pic of her of course and the post-it note reads "Free, to good home."