"So.....um... yeah."
This article is disturbing, on about a million different levels. I've seen these "Bum Fights" videos on sale on EBay and always wondered what they were. If "Girls Gone Wild" is a possible indicator that our society is going to hell, the fact that "Bum fights" actually exists solidifies it. Police are looking for some guys who drove around this morning shooting random people. That's all we need in this world, more psychopaths. Well I can write the end of this story. They'll get caught, they'll turn out to be teenage boys and they'll do some light time instead of getting the death penalty because they were "abused as children." Or their parents "didn't talk to them enough." Does Maryland even have the death penalty? It weirds me out that some states don't have the death penalty. That's like not having highways or stop signs.

I did something semi-productive today, I deleted e-mails from my inbox. It took like an hour. I was stunned at just how many people send me crap I don't read. I got this e-mail today (okay a week ago but I opened it today). It's a women's version of that "Tips For Men For a Successful Marriage" I posted here awhile ago:

A Woman's Five Secrets to a Great Relationship

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans, and has a good job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.
4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with only you.
5. It is important that these four men never meet.

It's funny to note that the men's one had 3 women and the women's one has 4 men. Sluts!! Just kidding. To each her own. I would think however that it would be relatively difficult to juggle 4 different people. It'd be like "Remember that position made me cramp last time." "It did?" "What.... no, I must be thinking of that movie I saw." I admit however that the list did make me smile. It's like a scavenger hunt for mystical objects. Whoever heard of a guy that didn't lie? The idea of that deserves a Tombstone quote:

"You ever seen anything like that?"
"Hell, I ain't even HEARD of anything like that."

Today's Favorite Ebay Auctions

1. "Clinton (Getting a Blowjob) Commemorative Quarter" -- Actually, to be historically accurate you'd need about 1000 of these to truly commemorate anything.
2. "Demon Baby" -- What to get "that person who has everything" for Halloween.
3. "Backwards Clock" -- This might actually be a good gift for a left-handed person. Do left-handed people instinctively look to the left in a counter-clockwise motion?
4. "Authentic Anti-alien Aluminum Foil Hat"
5. "The Love Swing" -- For all you people who saw Cribs and want to re-create Tommy Lee's bedroom.

You find out a lot about human interest on Ebay. I like to pick random people and click through to see what they buy. Like you wouldn't think there was a market for Barbie doll porn but...

Okay, I have to go pop another movie in the DVD player now. Charlie's Angels is ending. I don't feel bad about another hour on the couch because I actually worked out today for the first time in two weeks. Patrick says out-of-work people are supposed to work out all the time and get really cut. Patrick is today's oracle so I guess I have to listen. Hey did anyone know that the Charlie's Angels closing credits use the Blink 182 song "All The Small Things"?? That movie has some good songs during it. They even busted out "Live Wire" by Motley Crue which is like 17 years old.

I'm watching Labyrinth right now and for the life of me I can't figure out why Sarah doesn't want to be captured by the Goblin King. David Bowie's hair is all fucked up but the rest is intriguing. Hubba hubba.