Hey Friends Is On Tomorrow
I just read the current NFL "power rankings" from ESPN.com and the Raiders are on top, thanks to New England's loss to San Diego. Yee-haaa!!!!! We don't need Jon Gruden. My favorite quote in the whole rankings though is this: "Coming off a bye, the Colts get what is essentially another bye when they face the Bengals this week." I personally have continued on my streak of managing to only watch really bad games. That Ravens-Broncos game last Monday was brutal. Especially the longest play in NFL history. And their failure to convert in the red zone. But don't get me started, I'm just bitter because I don't have Direct TV and therefore can't get NFL Sunday Ticket. By the way, I am officially in Unemployment Land. I now no longer have any idea what day of the week it is. Except Sundays. I called Mike a few days ago to ask what day it was. Don't ask me when that was. I have lost all will to do anything other than sit around and read trashy romance novels. Muuussst..nnnoooott..faaaaaalllll..inttttoo....darknessss... Yeah okay. My schedule looks like this:

4:00 p.m. - Wake up.
4:30 p.m. - Wake up for real, not just glance at the clock and lie back down.
4:31 p.m. - Pee.
4:33 p.m. - Sit on the couch.
5:00 p.m. - Make dinner (Translation: Open the freezer and choose between french bread pizzas or some random "Budget Gourmet" frozen dinner.)
6:00 p.m. - 7:00 a.m. - Read books without substance, read but not return e-mails, watch DVDs, surf random auctions on Ebay, play with Bailey and try to convince myself to work out.
7:03 a.m. - Sleep.

And then I do it again the next day. Tonight's feature presentations were A Bug's Life, Volcano, The Rock, Armageddon and The Fifth Element. Someone save me. My eyeballs feel like they're about to implode.

I might be overly cynical but I found an auction on Ebay the other day that sounds like a total fraud. It's for Will & Grace taping tickets and benefits go to some foundation that I can't find on the internet. Just shows how star-struck our society is... the seller has zero feedback but there are 20 bids. The letter looks kind of shady too, I'm not certain I believe that a show on NBC would have letterhead that looked like that.

So what's in the weird news today...

"In August, the state attorney in Palm Beach, Fla., began investigating psychic Linda Marks after two former clients accused her of exploiting them. Veronica Lynn Boys admitted that she had paid Marks $1.1 million over a seven-year-period, including $150,000 cash on the spot at their first session, when Marks warned Boys of bad luck as a small snake emerged from an egg Marks had placed on a table. Also, an 88-year-old woman said she signed over her condo to Marks, and paid $22,000 for furniture and improvements to it, under similar circumstances. [Sun-Sentinel, 8-10-02]"

Why don't I ever meet these people? "Ma'am, you'll have bad luck if you don't give me $150,000 in cash right here." How is that illegal if the idiot pays it? It's not a threat, it's just a statement. No one forced the woman to hand over her cash, it wasn't blackmail or anything. Also, who walks around with $150,000 in cash? That's what we have ATM check cards for.

If anyone ever wondered how Afghanistan could have ever become such a hotbed for terrorist activity, it's because its neighbors are busy doing shit like this:

"Turkmenistan's president Saparmurat Niyazov made two decrees five days apart in August, first changing the names of the seven days of the week and the 12 months of the year, e.g., April became "Gurbansoltan-edzhe" (the name of Niyazov's mother), and Tuesday became "Young Day." In the second decree, 12-year life cycles were created, beginning with "childhood," "adolescence" (up to age 25), on up to "wise" (age 73 to 85) and "old" (to 97). [New York Times, 8-11-02]"

And Mike Jean sent me this one:

"September reports in the New York Post and the Toronto Star, quoting parents' Web site "reviews" of the Mattel $19.99 Nimbus 2000 plastic-replica broomstick from the latest Harry Potter movie, highlighted its battery-powered special effect: vibration. Wrote a Texas mother: "I was surprised at how long (my daughter and her friends) can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick." Another said her daughter fights her son for it but complains that "the batteries drain too fast." A New Jersey mother, sensing a problem, said her daughter could keep playing with it, "but with the batteries removed." Still another mother, age 32, said she enjoyed it as much as her daughter. [New York Post, 9-7-02; Toronto Star, 9-7-02]"

Starting them a little young aren't we? Soon they'll be saving up their allowances for an "Ultravibe Pleasuremaster 2000."

So it's October now, the month I'd said I'd start cracking on all my random goals. I guess we'll see if I'm dedicated or just completely full of shit. Speaking of it being October, why is it so damn hot? I've had the air-conditioner running all day. Does this make sense? I'm supposed to be rockin' my fur jackets and instead I'm sitting here in shorts and a tank top. It's fucking with my equilibrium.

Top 5 Words That Begin With "In"
1. Indolent
2. Inexorable
3. Indelible
4. Incessant
5. Incandescent

I also have honorable mentions: indubitably, innate, infraction, incorrigible, incapacitate and inherent. I should have just made it a Top 11 list.