Weekend In Boston
Me and Geo decided to head up to Boston this weekend to visit my friend Gerald. Gerald and I actually have a fairly interesting history together. We met in the 5th grade at Multnomah Elementary in East L.A., didn't see each other for 3 years during junior high, then ended up going to the same high school and dating for a year. After high school we hated each other and then became friends again in college. Isn't it weird how you come full circle with some people? So on our way from Jersey to Massachusetts, we stopped at some random rest stop in the woods to get some coffee. On our way out we saw those little mini-vending machines that kids buy cheap toys and stickers from. We always check those out just to see what they're giving kids these days. These particular machines were distributing the funniest toys I've ever seen given out. They were little plastic figures of Mexican gangbangers and they were called "Homies." I couldn't believe they were giving these out as toys in some random woodsy town in New England. I got a handful of coins (being from L.A. I couldn't resist) and ended up with a little cholo guy and his girlfriend. The guy was wearing baggy khakis pulled up to his chest, a white wifebeater and high white socks. They brought back memories of college, when me and my roommates Veronica and Carmen would watch Blood In Blood Out ("Vatos Locos Forever!!") and Mi Vida Loca. I went back to see if I could get the guy with the flannel shirt with only the top button at the neck buttoned but I got a little Rottweiler with a thick metal chain around his neck instead. Oh well. Geo had dumplings for dinner and his burps smelled so bad I told him he should just fart instead. Wait, was that too much information? I'm really bad at that.
So when we got to Boston we met up with Gerald and his co-workers at some wannabe Southern-style BBQ place. Don't ask me why I would go to Boston for food from the deep south, I didn't choose the place. One thing I noticed was that the white people I met in Boston were very different from white people by my way. The white people we met were polite but very "My great-great-great-great-great grandparents came over on the Mayflower, and they had their own room." Gerald said that for the first time in his life, the people he knows actually have their own boats and sit around discussing them. I told him I have a boat too and showed it to him but for some reason he wasn't that impressed. But that might be because my boat was made out of napkins. The Bostonians we met were also very touchy about anyone having to do with any of their sports teams. I told one guy that when I worked for NBA Entertainment, Antoine Walker had dissed us for interviews he had previously agreed to at least 4 times. The guy's response was "Well that must have been because you were the one asking." It wasn't but ummm... okay. Let's talk more about your yacht! Later, some girl I had met like 3 seconds earlier at the bar asked where I was from. When I said that I lived in Jersey but was originally from L.A. she replied, "Oh... L.A. You have no museums or culture in L.A." Ummm... okkkaaaaaaaaay.
Rich Bitches in Mall Parking Lots
On Saturday, we decided to play tennis in the afternoon so we went to the Burlington Mall to kill a couple hours. On our way through the parking lot, some chic in an SUV made a right turn into our lane without evening stopping or looking. We ended up in the oncoming lane trying to avoid her but she hit us anyway. When we got out of the car she walked up to Gerald and asked what happened. Gerald was like "Uhhh... you hit us." She looks over at me and the conversation went something like this:
Dumb Cunt In The Car Daddy Gave Her: You came out of nowhere.
Me: No we didn't. Hello, there's only one lane and we were just going straight. We had the right of way.
Dumb Cunt: But you were in the oncoming lane when I saw you.
Me: Uh, yeah. You forced us into there when we were trying to avoid getting hit by you.
Dumb Cunt: You must have been going really fast then.
Me: No, we weren't. We're in a mall parking lot on a Saturday. There were cars in front and behind us.
Dumb Cunt: Well I didn't see you.
Me: That's because you were too busy to look, you were on your cell phone.
That shut her up pretty fast. She doesn't know me so she doesn't realize that when I'm in someone's car I always look out the window at people pulling up to intersections, to make sure they stop (yes, I'm paranoid). She rolled up to the street we were on and didn't even stop or briefly pause, she just rolled into the T and kept going, jabbering on her cell and not looking. She had utterly convinced herself it was our fault and I didn't see any point in telling her that when the insurance companies found out that she turned onto the street we were already on and hit us in the rear side panel of the car, they were going to know who was at fault. God save me from rich white bitches. Rich white bitches as a general category are always going to be harder to deal with than rich black bitches, rich asian bitches and rich spanish bitches (although to be honest, rich asian bitches give them a run for their money especially the ones in the Philippines). The reason for this is because people who are rich but not white are "kept in their place" by mainstream society. Remember what Chris Rock said in Bigger and Blacker... "No white person would ever trade places with a black person. None of you white people in the audience would ever trade places with me.... and I'm RICH. There's a white busboy in here right now goin' 'I'm just gonna ride this whole white thing out, see where it takes me.'" Rich white bitches don't often feel oppressed because money will always counter sexism, so when you get into an altercation with a rich white bitch you are facing the snottiest of the snotty. Throw in one whose great great great great great great great great great great great grandparents came over on the Mayflower bitches and you might as well choke to death on your own vomit and save yourself some aggravation. When we were already leaving she called out "Well I'm not happy." I thought about turning around and telling her I wasn't her fucking parents so why in the hell would her happiness ever matter to me, but decided it was too cold. The cop was already laughing at me and George for shivering. Gerald said he was surprised that Dumb Cunt wasn't cold too. I told him obviously stupidity makes a person warm.
On Sunday, Geo and I were really not liking Boston very much so we stayed in Gerald's hotel room and did nothing all-the-live-long-day. Actually, for an hour or so we played some movie game that Gerald was sent which had movie scenes minus people's heads/skin and you had to guess what movie the scene was from. It was a fun game but kind of scary after awhile. It's weird looking at pictures of clothes walking by themselves. Incidentally, I want everyone to know that Mr. Gerald "Fuck that whole sensitivity bullshit" Law of San Francisco, California, has a streaming video file of a kitten falling asleep saved on his computer. I must have watched it like 8 times and I don't even like cats. That thing was cute as hell. In fact, I'm going to go now because I want to see if I can find it on iMesh.
