Classifieds

"Me: 5'8 Redhead You Slept With In March 2000 You: 5'10 Blond Guy Who Finishes Really Fast Us: Made A Baby. Please Call If You Want It."

I think this law stating that women who put children up for adoption and don't know who the father is have to run newspaper ads looking for him is just about the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Imagine what the ads must look like... "Do you have dirty blond hair and have a name that maybe rhymes with Jim?? Do you sometimes have a problem with premature ejaculation?? Did you sleep with a Janine in the parking lot behind Club Escapade in April of 2000?? Because if this sounds like you please contact me ASAP at (312) 555-1234. You knocked me up and I need to see if you want this brat before I can offload it on someone else." Yeah I know it may seem foul that I think it's funny. "Women are being forced to wear a Scarlet Letter in the 21st Century blah blah blah.." But I have this rather unpopular notion that women should at least be able to narrow down the father of their babies to three people. Call me a right-wing fanatic if you must but I think those women who have not even a smidgen of a clue as to who they let ejaculate into them on any given day are a bit weird. And before people start bitching about the "double standard" I think men who don't know where they've put their naked dicks in the last 5 years are equally weird. I also don't buy into the concept that anyone can be "made to feel" like a whore. No one can make you feel anything you don't already feel deep down inside. If I kick a child no one can come and make me feel guilty about it if I didn't feel guilty deep down in the first place.

The funny thing about this law is whether or not the women had to print their full names. I think in order to write good laws you have to move into the mind of the people you're trying to govern. If this woman can't even remember who she had sex with, it's highly doubtful that the guy even knew her first name much less her last. An ad that says "Did you bang a hot blonde in a red tube top, in a blue Honda CRV behind O'Leary's in March of 2000, after you dropped $17 on three glasses of the house Zinfandel?" is more likely to get a response than "Did you sleep with Janine Percy at O'Leary's in March of 2000??"

Incidentally, I do believe the law should be repealed. My reason is probably different though from the rabid feminists foaming at the mouth at this latest injustice. I think the law should be repealed because it inhibits women from swallowing their pride and doing what's best for a child that should have the right to know if one of their biological parents wants them. They'd rather abort than... okay I'm getting heated. You know how I feel about women who abort as a form of regular birth control. Imagine how I feel about women who abort to save themselves a bit of embarrassment. Anyway, the purpose behind the law can be achieved through other means, like the parental registry so there's no need in making these poor, helpless, misunderstood women "suffer." I say "suffer" because I'm not certain embarrassment is more harsh of a life than being aborted. Again, one of my novel, conservative fanatic ideas. Every woman who reads National Organization of Women paraphernalia understands that the worst thing in the entire world is a government trying to "control" your right to reproduce irresponsibly while having no accountability whatsoever. It's even worse than starving to death or living in the ghetto or fighting a debilitating disease.

Well that's my spiel on the soapbox for this morning. Now I'm sleepy. I think I'll go back to sleep. Enjoy your workday.