Mike's Birthday Shenanigans

Mike's Birthday Shenanigans

So we went out last night for Mike's birthday. Me, Geo, Tony and the birthday boy hit up The Junkyard in Rochelle Park to catch Lifespeed. Back in the day me, Geo and Mike used to go there every Wednesday night to watch the band Love Lies Bleeding. Back then it used to be packed every Wednesday. Now I guess they're having some trouble with attendance because they just introduced their "Power Hour" -- $1 drinks from 9:30 to 10:30. Some people had like 50 beers in front of them, no joke. I just picked up 4 ketel one/crans for me, a shitload of beers and captain/cokes for Mike and Tony and some Seagrams for Geo. We started getting shots for Mike but didn't want him to drink alone so we ended up getting fucked up too. Not such a good thing considering I'm an aggressive drunk. Some highlights:

-Some guy who was trying to pick up on this chick kept bumping into me. Finally I told him "Look, I'm sympathetic to your cause but you and your friend need to move over there and stop bumping into me." Smart man moved away with a quickness.

-Tony told Mike he had to pick up on some random girl for 20 bucks, just because he was the birthday boy. So Mike, did but when he came over for the money I told him he couldn't get it because he hadn't done it within the time limit. There was no time limit, I was just drunk and thought it'd be funny to say.

-When you're sober, you're a lot nicer to guys trying to pick you up. That disintegrates as the night goes on. By the end of the night I was just holding up my ring and saying "NO" whenever a guy approached. I also do not understand why guys grab your arm when you walk by them. If I had wanted to speak to you I would have stopped.

-I always thought Asian girls were the snottiest in the universe but now I'm not so sure. White girls can also be pretty damn snotty, especially the ones who hang out at trashy clubs like The Junkyard.

Me: Okay chicks were giving me mad looks in the bathroom. Your peoples are pretty snotty.
Mike: I already told you these aren't my peoples, I'm Jewish.
Me: You can't use that.
Mike: Sure I can. It's how my people have survived for over 5000 years. We play the Jewish card whenever we want to.
Me: How do you know some of these people aren't Jewish.
Mike: Oh we know.

-Well drinks should be outlawed. It's just not right to sell someone crappy alcohol when they think they're getting top shelf shit. And well drinks are just a step above rubbing alcohol except rubbing alcohol tastes better.

-I yelled at the lead singer of the band because I asked him to say Happy Birthday to my friend Mike and he didn't. He says he did but none of us heard it. I know we were gone but we weren't so gone that it was affecting our hearing. I think I said something to the effect of "You can pull some skank up onstage and sing 'Happy Birthday' to her but you can't SAY it to my friend and we've been going to see you guys play for over 5 fucking years?"