Numbered Thoughts. Because I Like Numbering Things.

Numbered Thoughts. Because I Like Numbering Things.

1. My friend Nina has one of those random questions on her guestbook "What puzzle piece are you and why?" I answered that I'm that piece that you think fits everywhere, so you keep stuffing it places, then realize that it looks right but isn't and have to take it out and keep looking.

2. Geo told me today that when our friend Carlos got his international diving license, he had to jump into the water with sharks to prove that he wouldn't panic in that situation. Something I find truly odd by the way. So the water is so full of sharks when you look down, that Carlos was praying to himself that he wouldn't hit any sharks on the way in. Yeah okay. If you ever have to think the thought "I sure hope I don't hit any sharks when I jump into this thing" YOU NEED TO FIND A NEW HOBBY.

3. I lost $10 of Tony's money at Texas Hold 'Em the other night. My cards just blew. I couldn't even bluff with most of the hands I was dealt, I didn't have a leg to stand on. Every hand was like the 2 of clubs and the nine of diamonds. Gee thanks, what the hell am I supposed to do with that. My cards were so bad I would have been thrilled to get the 3 of hearts and 4 of spades. Hey T, I still got 5 bucks of your money in my pocket. Better pick it up fast or I'm going to use it to buy Chicken McNuggets shaped like New Jersey.

3a. Speaking of chicken nuggets, McDonald's has this one sauce that is so weird it's good. It's called "Spicy Buffalo" and it's kind of like buffalo wing sauce but kind of not and it's kind of gross but kind of not. I think it's just weird to me because unlike wings which are mostly chicken and glazed with sauce, this is mostly sauce with a little chicken thrown in.

4. I bet you didn't think reality TV could sink any lower, what with all the worm-eating and marriage between strangers and having to watch the dumbest person ever to walk the planet (Anna Nicole Smith) throw out the M&Ms that say "W" on them. But ye of little faith, of course it can sink lower than that!! The newest reality TV show targeting Spanish-speaking households in America is offering as its first prize... a U.S. green card. Don't be afraid to exploit people's ultimate dreams. This isn't like "Oh no that man I've never met before this week gave a rose to that other woman he's never met before this week so I must cry." This is "I have no job and no health insurance and my children have no future and there are no prospects on the horizon for a better life so I must cry." This show is as bad as that one 20/20 commercial a few months ago with "5 infertile couples and one adoptable baby... who will win?"

5. The magic number today is 5. That's the number of times a day I accidentally step on some baby toy that seems to have dull edges, until you step on it barefoot with most of your body weight.

6. I had a migraine last night that was so bad, I had to wake Geo up and ask him to squeeze my head with all his might. Isn't that weird? Sometimes the migraine is so bad that what seems to alleviate the pressure inside my head is more pressure from outside my head. Don't ask me to explain this one because I can't. So do you know what my husband says after about 10 minutes of squeezing my head hard enough to make me see stars? "Hey you know what worked the last time? Sex. I think that got rid of your last two headaches." It's nice that he's always so willing to help me, and always looking out for my best interests. It did get rid of my headache though.

7. Mike J sent me an e-mail last night that cracked me up. It was a video of a whole bunch of army people who served with John Kerry, saying that his bio and accomplishments are all a bunch of lies. Funny as hell. If it was one or two people I would have been like "whatever" but it was like 10. Mike sent it to me because the night before, we were trying to figure out whether or not he deserved his medals. Maybe I'm just cynical but I was having a hard time believing that a millionaire's little boy happened to be so heroic and then happened to run for president 30 years later. He makes Bill Clinton's nonexistent army record almost look good. What's worse, dodging the draft or having people award you all sorts of shit that normally goes to real heroes, because of who your parents are. So you got George W watching football while he's supposed to be on duty, and Bill banging Canadian chics when he's supposed to be en route to Vietnam, and John Kerry's big dossier of bullshit. Nice. My history teacher in L.A. dodged the draft, which angered some people in the class but in all honesty made me laugh. Not because he did it but because of his explanation. "Those Viet Cong were planting booby traps out there... you would step on them and this spiked grenade thing would come out to waist level and just blow your lower half away. Hell no I wasn't going there."

8. Whoever invented chicken pot pies should be canonized. Seriously. Chicken pot pies have saved me this week. It's this 99 cent little pie of goodness. They need more potatoes though. More potatoes and less peas. Peas are an abomination.

9. My sister is coming to visit us in 27 days, 9 hours and 33 minutes WOO-HOO!!! Actually, I guess we have to count for the travel time because technically she is coming to visit us the moment she leaves her house, so she'll be coming to see us in 27 days, 1 hour and 15 minutes.

10. Should I be offended that the automatic banner link at the top of my blog is a link for "pointless sites?" What are they implying? My site has a point. It's point is to let all of you know my pointless thoughts. So despite all the pointlessness, the underlying factor is that this site does indeed have a point, even if I don't. Got that? Good.