Nursing Grown Men

Nursing Grown Men

This may come as a surprise to two or three of you but I am not a good person. I really am not. Because I just read this article about people who died trying to migrate to Puerto Rico and am I sitting here shaking my head over the loss of life? Well kinda. But mostly I am really, really grossed out by the sentences: "The other woman who gave up her (breast) milk died after helping nearly a dozen people. `People started biting her everywhere to get at her nipples,'' de La Cruz said from her hospital bed. 'She had bruises everywhere when she died.'" Um, eeeew. Excuse me, I meant EEEEEWW!!!!!!

Since we're being completely honest though, I don't feel too guilty over my apathy. These people fed the other woman to the sharks because she didn't want to give up her breastmilk. I would have died too if I'd been on that boat. I would have thrown myself to the sharks. Um, sorry you're starving and all but no way am I having 80 grown people suck on my nipples as if they think manna from heaven is going to come out of it. 10 kids, fine. But like 80 grown men? What am I a porn star? Just thinking about it makes me want to puke. Not only would that be disgusting beyond belief, anyone who's breastfed a child knows THAT WOULD HURT LIKE HELL. And it wouldn't even be enough to sustain them for longer than what, 5 minutes. For me it'd be like a minute.

Since we're all agreed that I'm a bad person, might as well continue on and be materialistic for awhile. For some odd reason I am really digging on this cute ass purse from Neiman Marcus. Yes I know it's a bit funky. But come on. It's fluffy. It's lilac. What's not to like?

So the President of the Philippines announced publicly that no man other than her husband should ever kiss her. It's a good thing those tax pesos are going to good use. With the President sitting around thinking long and hard on such important issues, it's only a matter of time before the Philippines breaks into the first world. "What terrorism in the world? The real instruments of terror are your lips. Get them away from me."

Wow I'm on a roll... what else can I talk smack about. I'll have to finish this later, I think my daughters are awake because the baby snores have ceased and there's an unnatural silence behind me. That means they're up to something.