Dodgeball and Pilates

Dodgeball and Pilates

But first...

Aud: So one night I'm home alone and my parents are in AC. I get really hungry so I make macaroni and cheese with Spam. I don't normally eat Spam but I like to eat it with mac and cheese. So I just left everything out on the dinner table and went to sleep. The next day my mom comes to me and says "Who did you have over last night?" And I'm like "Huh? No one." But she keeps asking "Who was here last night? I've never seen you eat Spam."
Me: You were like "Yeah mom, I had a big orgy here last night and afterwards we all ate spam."
Aud: "Yeah I threw a big orgy and strange men ate Spam off my ass." I didn't say that though. She wouldn't let me get away with that. I was just like "Mom, if I were going to have people over, you can be sure I wouldn't serve them up mac and cheese and SPAM as hors d'ouvres."
Me: I could probably get away with saying that to my mom, she's kind of used to that stuff from me. "Yeah mom, I had a big orgy last night and people came over and ate Spam out of my ass."
Aud: My brother could get away with saying it but it wouldn't fly if I did.
Me: Because he's a guy.
Aud: Yeah saying shit like that isn't "ladylike."
Me: Dude, being "ladylike" is so not on my list of priorities.
Aud: Yeah me neither.
Me: Otherwise I wouldn't have just thrown a fart at you.

So last night we went to play dodgeball as a lark. We all haven't played dodgeball since like the sixth grade (which was fricken 18 years ago for me) so we thought it'd be hysterical. Oh my God it was so much fun. What a hysterical sport. I don't know why there's a dodgeball craze sweeping America all of a sudden but I like it. The guy that organized it said I have a good arm but he ain't seen nothing yet. I'm going to start lifting more weights with my right arm so that I can have a dodgeball muscle the way guys have that bulge-y jerking off muscle in their forearm. It's going to be great. Geo is good at dodgeball because he can jump and change direction like it's nobody's business. I want to jump and change direction like it's nobody's business.

Aud and I were laughing because the guys never wanted to peg us when we were the last two people, since everyone was out and watching. But in the heat of the game when no one was looking they'd be out for blood. That's comedy. What's funny is that people take that shit personal. Like Aud sniped some guy who asn't paying attention to her because he didn't know she had a ball (we play with 4 simultaneously). In the next game he was after her like she'd killed his puppy. I caught some guy's ball once which meant he was out, and the next time he was in I was the first person he went for. My head even. I ducked though. The guys taunt each other a lot but I just straight out duck. I'm not trying to get hit in the face with one of those rubber balls.

This morning, we felt like crap. Not Geo though. Geo was fine, that punkass. But Aud and I felt like we'd been hit by a train. Laying around doing nothing wasn't helping the soreness, so we decided to bust out my Pilates For Dummies DVD and de-virginize it. Okay, pilates is kind of crazy. And the instructor in the video is on Prozac or something. She is unnaturally happy. But it's pretty easy as a workout because you only do a few of each exercise. Since we were so pathetically sore though, we only did the first 10 or so exercises. Then we decided to take a walk through picturesque Jersey City. Later on after Aud went home I rode my bike for awhile. Might as well go all out with this whole exercise thing.