Walmart Is The Seventh Layer of Heaven

Walmart Is The Seventh Layer of Heaven

Mike marked today down in his mental calendar. For him, this day will live in infamy. Not because it was anyone's birthday, or anniversary, or any other actual important occasion. But because today I walked into the house and said the words "Okay, for now I am a NASCAR fan."

Geo and I called on two members of the Godparent Dream Team, Mike and Aud, to babysit for us so we could go play dodgeball. But when we got to the gym, no one was there. Apparently they canceled dodgeball whether for good or just for that day and we didn't get the memo. So since we were already out, we decided to take a field trip to Walmart and pick up the new Aladdin DVD. Incidentally, Walmart is the very best place to go to buy new releases, because they only cost 15 bucks. When we got to the store, I grabbed my coveted DVD and then began our ritual meandering. Ritual meandering is a given whenever one hits up stores like Walmart and Target. It's almost a crime not to.

We were randomly walking through the hardware section, when all of a sudden I saw IT. A red model of a NASCAR um, car, but not just any ordinary one. It was the number blah blah so and so driver car with The Flash on it (so I'm not really a fan, just a fan of the models. I'm not actually trying to watch a race or anything.) Apparently some racing crew made the entire Justice League as some weekend promo for the kids. And me. Grabbing the car like it was made of gold, I hightailed it over to the toy section to see if I could score any more. Namely the Batman one of course. After moving about 8 jillion boxes to look behind them, much to the dismay of the disgruntled Walmart employee trying to straighten up (in my defense I was moving them back to where I found them after I took my peek so he really had no cause to look so annoyed, other than the fact that he works at Walmart) I hit paydirt and came up with the Wonder Woman car. And that was it. The last two Justice League NASCAR models in the store.

I did what I usually do and wandered around for another half-hour, trying to convince myself that my impending purchase was unjustified AND irresponsible, but to no avail. There was no way I was going home without these cars. Even if I had to steal them. Since we left the house thinking we were only going to go play dodgeball, Geo didn't have that much cash on him. So while in line, he put back the socks and stapler that he actually needed, so that I could get my cars. And I let him. Yes, when it comes to the Justice League I am THAT selfish. Lucky for me, Geo wanted me to have the cars almost as much as I wanted to have them. Geo rocks.

When I got home and showed off my purchases, Mike J made sure that I was going to come on here and take back everything bad I ever said about NASCAR. All the trailer park jokes AND all the mullet jokes. So I officially take them back, at least until I have the entire Justice League set AND the car that has all of them painted on it. Because I am totally OCD-ing right now. I want them all. NOW. Right this moment. I am fiending like a crackhead fiends for... um, crack. Of course, I should take this moment to state that I would like almost anything that had the Justice League painted on it. I would like an enema with the Justice League painted on it, in non-toxic paint. "Here comes Batman, entering the Batcave."

This has nothing to do with my post by the way, but I have nowhere else to put it. And since this post is shopping-themed, I'll just tack it onto here. Last week, Geo and I were in Hoboken shopping for DVDs, when we ended up stopped at the light by McDonald's. Geo looks around and says "Man there really are a lot of white people in Hoboken." Then he looks at the McDonald's mural and says "Dude, even Grimace is white. Just kidding. Grimace is purple." I fricken thought that was the funniest thing ever.

By the way, my new fashion term is "the height of all itness." I used it the other day when I was on a hunt with a reluctant Tony for a mustard-colored scully to match the mustard-colored and brown/celadon/white striped button-down shirt I talked him into buying at Banana Republic. Yeah it sounds weird but trust me, it's hot. The height of all itness. A brown scully would look good with it too, but I thought the mustard one would be great. Kind of the difference between Guy Who Might Have Just Gotten Lucky While Shopping and Guy Who Has Supreme Fashion Sense And May Be Gay Because He Looks So Damn Hot. It's up to Tony to make sure he has his tongue down some girl's throat while rocking the shirt and mustard-colored scully, so people know he's actually Guy Who Has Supreme Fashion Sense But Is Oddly Enough Heterosexual. I'm sure he can follow through on that particular task (and I have his pictures from Vegas to prove it).

Oh and Mike, I didn't forget to mention that you think the ugly blonde chic with the big nose from Smallville is "really hot." I was just being nice. Oh, oops.