Confessions of a Food Whore

Confessions of a Food Whore

Aud: My parents just walked in and brought Kentucky Fried Chicken with NO sides.
Me: What?!?! Who does that???
Aud: Okay so it's not just me. I thought you were going to be like "Audrey, get over it."
Me: No... but you're calling the wrong person. I'm a food whore remember.
Aud: Now what do I do?
Me: Take a piece of bread and wrap it around the chicken.
Aud: You're making me more pissed. I thought you were going to calm me down.
Me: Duh, who are you talking to.
Aud: What do you have at your house?
Me: I'm serving turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and spaghetti for dinner.
Aud: Oh my God, sides and everything. I tried to threaten them with going to your house for dinner.
Me: Did it work?
Aud: No, they didn't seem to realize it was a threat.
Me: They didn't seem to realize that you were actually threatening to deprive them of your company.
Aud: Exactly. I'm so unhappy.
Me: Poor girl.
Aud: So do you find something seriously wrong with their behavior?
Me: It's not serial killer behavior.
Aud: Well it's close. Who buys 500 legs of chicken and no sides.
Me: Your parents do.
Aud: They normally don't. It's like this VAT of chicken with no sides.
Me: Momentary lapse of reason.
Aud: Okay. Everyone's downstairs eating and I'm up here sulking.
Me: Go down there and eat all the skin.
Aud: I did that already.

So my friends and I joke around that I'm a total food whore, but wouldn't it be amusing if I were literally a food whore? Not too literally. Not a whore made of food. But a prostitute who got paid with food. Like I'd bang some balding, fat guy and he would leave Chili's country-fried steak on the bedside table. And there'd better be some sides. Otherwise he's off my list. Okay, I guess it'd be kind of sad. And inefficient, because if they paid me in real live money, I'd be able to go out and buy my own Chili's country-fried steak. But the thought is still kind of funny.

There's still no answer to that age old question I've been pondering, whether I'd give up really good sex or really good food. I think it's just destined to be a chicken-and-the-egg question for me. Geo might actually just have to put it to the test. If he were to walk into the room naked, with a condom in one hand and a bag of saag paneer, chicken vindaloo, raitha and paratha bread in the other, eventually we'd have an answer to the question. Or, my brain would fuse and I'd stand there frozen like a deer caught in headlights. Mmmm... venison. Just kidding. I don't eat venison. Even a food whore has to have some limitations.