In the News

In the News

1. Some dance instructor in Britain changed her mind about offering to teach how to stripper pole-dance to children, after a public outcry. Rumor has it she also plans to re-think her bright ideas about teaching kids how to give blowjobs, using bananas and how to snort coke, using flour.

2. In a very smart move by the UN, they are going to reach out to poor prostitutes via the internet. This isn't indicative of their ineffectuality at all. Because you know how many prostitutes in Thailand go home and surf the web. Nothing beats a day of degradation and risky sexual practices like downloading some MP3s.

3. I know Mike J read this story about a derailed train spilling 20,000 gallons of beer and was like "Where the hell was I, with a straw?"

4. I just had to quote this one article about what Democrats have to do in 2006 and 2008. Because it had one particularly good sentence, "While Applebees was the one-word key for Sosnik, another Democratic strategist at Tuesdays DLC panel discussion, Will Marshall, personified the partys woes in a name: Michael Moore." Yes. It's about time they realized that if they continue to let an extremist who goes to Europe and makes anti-American remarks speak for them, they will never get those coveted red state votes. Ever. Unless they just say fuck it and move to Canada of course. Then they can see what universal healthcare is actually like in practice. Great theory, but a mess on all sides when implemented.

5. People keep asking me what I think about that 57-year-old woman that gave birth to twins. In all honesty, I'm not a fan of her at all. I can't fucking stand these women that put their careers first, then want to rely on medical procedures to make them mothers at an old age. It would be different if she was in her late thirties or something. 40 even. Or even if she was her current age and it was an "oops" baby. But to decide at 53-years-old that you want to have your first baby is just plain fucking wrong. No, it's not something that should be legislated. People should just be fucking responsible enough to make good decisions when it comes to parenthood. I am so fucking tired of people who view parenthood as some sort of status object or personal validation versus the responsibility it is. Like it's a college degree or a Mercedes or something. Yes, it is the most joyful thing ever. But it is also a responsibility. She's lucky the medical odds didn't screw her children over and that she was able to keep them in for so long. I am so fucking tired of people who have to do things their way, all the fucking time, regardless of the risk to anyone else. Men can have babies when they're old because um, DUH they're not actually the ones carrying them. Women go through menopause for a reason. PLUS, not only did she put her career ahead of having children for over 30 years (assuming the average person is doing okay careerwise at 27), now that she has them she's not even going to stay at home with them. So what was the fucking point? I won't even go into how old she'll be when they oh, start the third fucking grade.

(11/12 12:26 p.m. edit: Let me clarify further in case I wasn't being clear enough, which judging from the comments, I might not be. I don't want people to get all defensive and think my post is a condemnation of the working mother, which it so is not. It's a case-by-case thing. If you're a 57-year-old CEO of a Fortune 500 company who just had an "oops" baby, fine go back to work. If you're a 57-year-old, self-employed "motivational speaker" (which is a modern-day term for "swindler of the weak") who decided at the ripe old age of 53 that she wanted to have a baby, and spent 3 years and tens of thousands of dollars trying to do it, STAY HOME AND RAISE YOUR FUCKING KIDS.) Okay I'll get off my moral soapbox. Damn, I didn't realize until just this moment how much that news story bothered me.

6. This article on heating bills going up literally made me sick. If our heating bill was only $1200 through this winter it would be far less than what we normally pay. And our thermostat is at like 67. Sometimes I really, really, really, really, really really really really really miss Los Angeles.

7. Not that people probably care anymore, but the Los Angeles Times had a pretty good article on why the prosecution dropped the criminal case against Kobe Bryant. I wonder if for Christmas Kobe's wife will get a "4-Million-Dollar Sorry I At The Very Least Banged Another Woman And At The Very Worst Raped Her" diamond necklace to match her "4-Million-Dollar Sorry I At The Very Least Banged Another Woman And At The Very Worst Raped Her" diamond ring.

8. I'm not a big fan of Bill Clinton but his statement after hearing of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat's death made me snicker. He said "I regret that in 2000 he missed the opportunity to bring that nation into being and pray for the day when the dreams of the Palestinian people for a state and a better life will be realized in a just and lasting peace." That pretty much translates to "I'm not shedding any tears over the person who almost single-handedly fucked up my eleventh hour chance at having a great legacy." Brokering a successful peace treaty between the Israelis and the Palestinians would have made the historians go "Monica who?"

9. Okay I have to stop writing. I must be tired. Because the title of this article made me giggle. "The Double Slit Experiment" sounds like some sort of sci-fi porn. Yes, I realize that sometimes I have the maturity of a 12-year-old boy.

10. AOL is telling its broadband customers to find new carriers. I can't even believe that AOL is still around. Using AOL to log on is like using a cotton ball to mop your kitchen floor. Except that using a cotton ball to mop your kitchen floor would be less frustrating.

Okay that article was really boring. God insomnia sucks.