Weekend Rundown
So my brat of a little sister called me today for the express purpose of telling me that my last two blog posts don't count as posts. I guess there is a minimum length requirement that I wasn't aware of. Fricken women. All that matters is size.
On to my weekend recap...
On Friday, we did something, but I have no idea what it was. Seriously. I'm drawing a blank here. If I were to hazard a guess, we might have gone to Toys R Us, or gone grocery shopping or something to that effect. Oh well.
On Saturday, we hit up the wonderful world of Costco and got like a 200-pack of Gatorade for three dollars. Okay not really, but you get the idea. I really love that place. I run around, clutching my 190-ounce bottle of shampoo and just feel at peace with the world. Yes, terrorists are bombing mosques and we still haven't found a solution to global warming, but my hair is going to be soft and clean for the next 293 days. Provided of course, that I actually decide to bathe.
Saturday night, we went over to Kat's for her annual Christmas shindig. The food was great, the drinks plentiful and the company fun. I stuck around after Geo left and caught a ride home with Girlie and Luke, who amazingly didn't pull over and strangle me for smoking a cigarette in her new car. I swear, the fact that none of my friends have ever bitch-slapped me while I'm in Drunken Riss Mode is beyond my comprehension. Lighting up in G's new car officially makes me an ass, but luckily I'm not the only one. Someone threw up in Kat's sink and clogged it. Very poor etiquette. Anyone who sits above the salt knows that if one has to puke, one should head for the bushes outside. Kat's a lawyer so I'm sure she has all sorts of law enforcement connections. If I were her I'd secretly pull hair samples from each of her guests, then DNA test it against the crap in her sink. But I'd do that because I'm an ass. One of the highlights of the night was meeting Ray's friend Steve and declaring him my new best friend, just to make Ray jealous over in Australia. I may even tell Ray that Steve let me watch him shower and in return I swept the bread crumbs off his bed (inside joke that I just hijacked).
On Sunday, we decided to make a half-hearted attempt at finishing our Christmas shopping. I also pretended to start making and addressing my Christmas cards, but what I really did was sit around and watch the Colts game. I love how everyone is all of a sudden on Peyton Manning's jock, but they forget how they continually ridiculed him because of his playoff woes. I also love how Peyton Manning looks like Edward Norton. Everytime they show him I just want to yell out "First rule of Fight Club: You do not talk about Fight Club!!!"
By the way, I don't know what I'm doing on here when I'm supposed to be tackling this whole sending-out-Christmas-cards thing. It is exactly five days before Christmas and I have yet to actually put cards into the mail. Every card I receive adds to my guilt, which I then shake off by pretending I'll be sending mine out soon. The constant strain of deluding myself like this is wearing me out.
Hey I'm actually getting sleepy at a decent hour. I'm going to go take advantage of this. As soon as I finish my bagel. And chips. And this pickle I for some reason decided to eat. No, pickle is not a euphemism for anything, you sick perverts.
12 comments:
i love reading your blog!
i attempted writing my christmas cards....which reminds me, i need your address as my man built me a new computer and poof -there goes all my addresses. oh wells..i figure as long as peeps get them by New year...right? :)
my pics of your girls are outdated. :)
damn, the pickle thing had me motivated for a brief moment. good luck on the damn cards. people who send them should be shot, particularly if the expect a response--i too feel the guilt, but i'm just not that sort of person...i'm not a sender. i'm a pitcher. not a catcher. it's simple.
someone threw up in the sink and didn't clean it? low class.
for the record, the only reason you weren't bitch-slapped in your state of drunkenness is because i, myself, was too drunk to get pissed at the fact you smoked in my car.
actually, from one mean drunk to another, you were MEAN MEAN MEAN that night!
p.s.
i find it amusing that out of everything that happened that night, what with boob grabbing and all, all we could talk about is the horrendous person who had the nerve to throw up in the sink.
goodness, just thinking of standing there while i washed my hands and all these orange things floating in the sink makes me gag.
boob grabbing?
In my very limited defense, that was my one mean drunk episode of the year. If I can hold on for the next week and a half, I'll have a brand-spanking clean slate!!
Yes, there was boob-grabbing. Or rather, Kat did "happy fingers" on my boobs.
hmmm i had my money that it was either you or girlie who threw up in the sink. it was probably steve. although if steve threw up, he'd usually follow it with promptly passing out underneath a warm car.
And humping Audrey.
You of all people know I save it for the bushes Ray!!
actually i'm with steve - if i threw up, the next thing that happens is me passing out but i was able to last for two more hours and had several other drinks after that.
plus i know how to use the toilet bowl.
Sheesh - if I had thrown up in the sink, I would have committed seppuku shortly after ... I felt bad enough that I knocked that drink over onto their 'new' rug and I didn't have any Sodium Bicarbonate on me to clean it up!
Don't you hate it when you accidentally leave the house without your Sodium Bicarbonate?
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