January 23, 2005

Fire, Samwise Gamgee and the Giantess

Fire, Samwise Gamgee and the Giantess

On Friday night, G took pity on me (taking care of sick one-year-olds for a week is pretty up there with the most stressed I've ever been) so she treated me to Indian food. Steve came along and we had an awesome time. Namely because this time, we didn't get kicked out by the management. Not that we ever have, but the last time they did make it clear they would be thrilled if we left. So we had saag paneer, chicken tikka masala, vegetable samosas, chickpeas something or other, paratha, rice with raita and of course awesome conversations about sex, relationships and taking poops. I so heart Girlie and Steve!!

After dinner, Mike J met up with us for "a few drinks" at a bar nearby, which turned out to be a few, few drinks. It was pretty cool because they were playing a lot of old-school hip-hop, lots of old Tribe and Wu-Tang especially. Oh and they played "Bust a Move" by Young MC which you know, when the song was popular you were like "Oh this song is so lame" but now you get all hyped when you hear it. I admit it. And what. She's dressed in yellow, she says hello, come over and sit next to me you fine fellow.

So we're hanging out, chillin, sippin on some Ketel ones and whatever, and I whip my head to the side because I thought someone touched me... AND MY FUCKING HAIR LANDS IN A CANDLE AND CATCHES ON FIRE. Can you believe that shit? I swear this never happens to anyone else. One of the few times I literally let my hair down (it's usually in a ponytail because it's so long) and the shit hits a ledge behind me with a candle on it and catches on fire. I had to reach behind me and grab all my hair in my fist and extinguish it. Luckily I was sober or I might have still been standing there, ablaze and wondering why my head was so hot. There wasn't any damage though. My hair looks the same and the little black smudge on my shirt came out with a little flicking.

Too bad people don't have cameras in their eyeballs, because I wish I could have seen what Girlie and Steve saw. Their expressions were priceless. Oddly enough, they were the ones who dove over and started patting my head. Mike J, the fireman, just kinda stood there. Thanks for that one Mike. He was probably looking for a place to set down his Guinness. By the way, this is unrelated but in keeping with the dumb shit that happens theme, I went to the bathroom this morning at 5am and my hand lightly brushed against the kitchen gate and I got a fucking SPLINTER UNDERNEATH MY NAIL. Can you believe that crap?? So at 5am I had to sit there, trying to dig it out with tweezers. Finally I just... well you don't want to know.

Back to the bar...

So now we had a clear view of everyone, because the people around us weren't appreciative of the aroma of burning hair. One of the people who stayed near us was a guy we had taken note of earlier, because he looked like Samwise Gamgee. Isn't that peculiar? He wasn't drinking grog though, he was drinking a Corona I think. I couldn't tell because I was too busy telling myself that it would be rude to walk over and ask where Mr. Frodo was.

And let me just tell you why I especially heart Steve.

1. Because he puts out on the first date.
2. Because he is all about stupid bets, so I'm not the only one running around doing dumb shit.

Steve said he'd go over and ask the tallest girl in the bar to dance if I did something idiotic to entertain everyone as well. Naturally, I agreed. So he goes up to this girl, who was like a blonde-haired, pink-sweatered giant and asks her to dance. We were almost in tears. She practically had to crouch to hear what he was asking her. SO they start dancing and you can't even see him. He said he came up to her breasts (too... many... jokes...) His thing to do was a lot harder than mine, I just had to freak a column for awhile. And of course, some random guy was right there next to me, keeping up a running commentary. Mike J wouldn't do his thing because he said he wasn't drunk enough, which was kind of a lame excuse because it was early enough that me and Steve were both only lightly buzzed at that point, if at all.

And you know, I can't ever leave a bar without pissing SOMEONE off. At the end of the night, these two black guys tried to hit on me while I was on my way to the bathroom. Because I was buzzed and the mental-oral filter was gone, I laughed and replied "What happened, those white girls you were hitting on earlier shot you down?" One of the guys laughed (my kind of guy) but the other one got his panties in a major bunch. He drew back with his hand on his chest, all offended, like I had just asked him to do gay porn. He wouldn't look at me anymore, so I just shrugged and continued on my merry way. Story of my life.

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