There has been much virulence of late (in blogs like Blog Ho's and 8zero8's) heaped on the person of Dan Brown, for things like his sub-par character development and shoddy diction. But I don't want to talk about The Da Vinci Code. I want to talk about another Leonardo, a lesser-known but no less great Leonardo.... my turtle. One of a set of four. The others were, you guessed it, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael. The others were decent enough sorts, but they didn't have Leonardo's animal magnetism nor his fire.
Here is Raphael getting buggered in the arse by my dear Leonardo:
Leonardo was a great turtle. Man, woman, turtle, fish, green, orange, yellow... he didn't care. If it moved, he banged it. Sometimes, even if it didn't move he banged it. He wasn't as near to my heart as my first turtle Sammy, but that may be because of the residual guilt I still feel for having inadvertently murdered Sammy. But Leonardo was still wonderful. In fact, I am convinced that had it not been for certain irreconcilable differences (such as species) he and a few of my goldfish would have made me the proud grandparent of beautiful turtlefish.
R.I.P. Leonardo the Horny Turtle (June 2002-July 2004) You are in our hearts and minds and you probably left some turtle jizz in your bowl so we have that too.
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