May 13, 2005

In The News

In The News

1. Yay for Connecticut. Nice to see that at least one part of New England has grown a pair. Not that I'm cheering the execution of a serial killer/rapist but well, yeah I am.

2. It's Friday, May 13th. I don't know whether to go rent a scary flick or hide in my closet until Saturday. I will however, be jumping at small noises, like the sound of an axe or chainsaw.

3. Being bitten by bed bugs is gross and all, but what bothers me about this story is that people have sued and been given money because they were bitten by bed bugs at a hotel. It's annoying that people can use lawsuits as blackmail to get money. All the hotel did after settling money on this fucker was raise the price of rooms for the rest of us. In my little world people who do this get hit by trains on their way to the bank.

4. I think they should have a talking penis show in every city, specific to the demographic. That would be funny as hell. Like their could be a NYC/Wall Street penis that's rich, but always has a rash from banging high end prostitutes. Or a Jersey City one that's brown and has eight children from seven different women. Or one from Omaha (heh) that talks about how female sheep jizz is a good emollient. Or a Thai one in Bangkok that talks about what it's like to be injected with olive oil.

5. So Paul sent me a link to and I feel bad for Jennifer Aniston and all but damn that shit was funny. Don't watch it at work because you need sound and I don't think "big ass titties" is something you can get away with saying is work-related. Unless you work at Hustler. Also, White Trash is offering Team Aniston and Team Jolie shirts which I think is amusing. Don't know which one I'd want. On one hand, I might be tempted to leave Geo if Angelina Jolie kicked it to me. On the other, Jennifer Aniston seems like a nice enough person who probably should have seen this coming from that weak ass fruitcake Brad Pitt. If you ask me, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston should hook up with each other and leave that pansy crying by the side of the road.

6. Sports fans in the U.S. think they're tough but we'd get our asses kicked in Columbia. Except maybe Oakland and Detroit fans.

7. I hate to find this whole toilet Koran thing funny but I do. I'm picturing millions of people crying with despair in the street, over the possibility that someone somewhere flushed a copy of the book down the toilet. Right now somewhere in Kabul there's a crying Muslim guy masturbating with a rosary "in retaliation."

8. The best part of the whole woman-found-finger-in-Wendy's-chili-but-she-planned-it story is the fact that they're showing pictures of the detached finger. Completely unnecessary but guaranteed sensationalistic reaction. Isn't "the news" great.

9. Two more months until Harry Potter Book Six comes out. It's good that I have the mentality of a 12-year-old otherwise I might be a bit ashamed as to how much I'm looking forward to this. More importantly, who wants to stand in line with me at midnight at Barnes and Noble on July 16th or whenever?

10. Italian courts are even more fucked up than ours. I can understand them awarding damages if she paid for the wedding, but judging from the fact that they took her "rights" into consideration they seem to be stemming from "emotional distress." Which is typical I guess. The guy is the one who doesn't get to have sex in his life ever but the woman is going to sit and whine about how it affects her.

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