July 5, 2005

Random News Stories

Random News Stories

As always, when I'm relatively uninspired I start fishing around for random news stories. So um, yeah. Oh and I'm too lazy to segue properly, just so you know.

This article on what men feel are the worst insults to them made me laugh. I don't know why but I just smirked while reading the whole thing. I think it was the part about the top male fantasies being:

1. End world hunger.
2. Be a world famous sports star.
3. Marry a supermodel.

I picture guys in their bedrooms with the door locked, jerking off to UNICEF brochures, with "We Are The World" playing in the background to set the mood. Oh and of course the hand lotion in use was NOT tested on animals thank you very much.

I'm a little tired of all the news articles about accidental koran, bible, flag, whatever burnings. Who fucking cares. No seriously. I am wishing police would focus more of their manpower on say, murders, rapes, kidnappings... you know, serious crimes. Or, how about someone catches a car thief every so often? I'd take that, considering how many cars we've had stolen. Although to be honest, I get a good laugh every time people in this country scream religious persecution and racism and sexism and holy, racist, sexism and it turns out to be just some dork who left a candle burning. Then again, there are probably a lot of precincts out there where the cops are just bored and I guess we have to alleviate their boredom somehow, or they get all gung ho when there are actual crimes. Beat the shit out of people for jaywalking.

It kind of bugs that anyone can sue anyone for pretty much anything. I mean I understand that the First World is a fairly litigious one, especially when one or both of the parties are American. But really... suing NASA because their actions affected... astrology? I mean a person shouldn't even be able to walk into a courtroom with that one. However, suing NASA because they sell garden burgers at Cape Canaveral instead of real ones made with meat... now THERE'S a lawsuit.

Okay I know who I'm rooting for in the 2005 World Series of Poker. I'll be cheering on this 65-year-old guy who thought he was entering a $10 online poker tournament and realized halfway through that it was for $10,000 AND a spot at the WSoP. I know he's a long shot and all but I really don't think I can take much more of these snot-nosed 21-year-old online poker punks. I just want to reach into the TV and bitchslap them into their pile of poker chips. Last year I was rooting for Chris Ferguson and Doyle Brunson, because Ferguson looks like a cowboy Jesus and Doyle Brunson is just a class act at the tables.

A couple of weeks ago I was watching the Young Bloods blah blah poker tournament and laughing my ass off. Erin Ness (who was lookin kinda bangin) and David Williams (the runner-up in the 2004 WSoP Main Event) were the last two standing. She started flirting with him and he took his mind off the game and started flirting back. By the time he realized what she was up to she had cut out a nice chunk off his chip lead. Sucka!

I'm a bit bummed that Sandra Day O'Connor is stepping down. I'm a fan of hers. After all, at UC Santa Cruz I took on 100 angry lesbians in her defense. Everyone in the classroom bitched about how awful she was, how little she did for women's rights. After twenty minutes of their blathering I finally stood up and said that I thought she was doing the best thing she could ever do for women's rights, fulfilling her duties as a Supreme Court Justice without being biased by agendas specific to her gender. Naturally after class I almost got my ass beat by some of the hairiest women on the planet. Their faces were mottled with rage, so I didn't think flirting my way out of it would be an efficient plan of action. In the end I held them off with a well-timed "Look!!! It's kd lang!!" and ran off into the woods.

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