Girls Gone Wild

Girls Gone Wild

I've talked about the King of Swaziland before but it's all just so interesting to me. The latest article on MSNBC begins like this:

"LUDZIDZINI ROYAL VILLAGE, Swaziland - More than 50,000 bare-breasted virgins vied to become the King of Swaziland's 13th wife on Monday..."

Sometimes I just can't believe we all live on the same planet. Here in the U.S. that would go over about as well as an orgy in church. Some people would enjoy it but the rest would make sure the pews were emptied fast and scrubbed down with anti-bacterial wipes. We're hypocrites though. Who are we to judge when we come up with shows like "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire."

Meanwhile, men all over the world are reading this article and going "Dammit my life blows." I mean of course we have bare-breasted virgins dancing in the streets here, we call it Mardi Gras. But it's not sanctioned by the state or anything. And they're not REAL virgins, more like "It doesn't count if it was in my ass" virgins. And I'm not certain we'd be able to round up 50 bare-breasted virgins to compete to marry our President, much less 50,000.

"Wielding machetes and singing tributes to the king and queen mother, also known as the Great She-Elephant, the girls danced around the royal stadium in the hope of catching the eye of the 37-year-old monarch."

Another difference between our world and theirs. Here, men try NOT to arm their wives. Especially if they've been referring to said wives as "The Great She-Elephant."

"Monday's ceremony was the culmination of a week of preparations, which included the lifting of a royal ban on sex with virgins, decreed in 2001 to help rein in HIV. Days after reviving the ancient ban, Mswati in 2001, married a virgin and fined himself one cow."

That's my favorite part of the article. "And fined himself one cow." Nice. I'm still not convinced this place actually exists though, despite the maps and articles and government reports. I mean come on... Swaziland. It really is straight out of a Roald Dahl book. You know, when Willy Wonka went over there to get Oompa Loompas to come work at his chocolate factory. Then again, that's kind of proof in itself. Western visitors always leave natives with infectious diseases. And you know Willy Wonka was rich and a bit crazy and had a little-known penchant for prostitutes and IV drug users. The worst part was that he paid them in Everlasting Gobstoppers. At least the Oompa Loompas got cacao beans.