Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts

1. People keep griping about the lack of international aid to the people affected by Hurricane Katrina but I don't really care about that. As a society I think we're rich enough to take care of the problem ourselves. As Americans we should be embarrassed to expect relief from other countries. I was however, wondering why it was taking so long for celebrities to jump on the donation bandwagon. Especially the ones who are normally critical of our government. This is a great public relations opportunity for them! Obviously most people are appalled at how long it took the government to organize a relief effort and implement it. The celebrities could have been right up there going "Since I keep yapping about how much our government sucks balls, I am offering the use of my private helicopter and my 500-room mansion in Miami Beach to evacuees from New Orleans. They can even use my 4 Olympic-sized swimming pools to bathe in." What great PR that would have resulted in! Then, the next time that person opened their mouth to comment on politics, people would be forced to lend them some credibility because of their generosity and willingness to put their money where their mouths were. As a former PR person I am saddened at these missed public relations opportunities.

And I was wondering when Jesse Jackson would open his big fat mouth. I wonder how much of the millions he's collected through corporate blackmail will go towards relief efforts. Now all we need are the extremist right-wing yahoos to make Sodom and Gomorrah references and the circus will be complete.

I did laugh out loud though while listening to the mayor of New Orleans speak in an interview. CNN had just shown some random Michigan politician babbling on in a press conference and then they cut to the NO mayor saying something to the effect of "No more goddamn press conferences. There should be a moratorium on press conferences. Just get off your asses and do something." HAHA and so true.

2. And on come the jokes. So far, this Ebay auction for the "last pint of gas in Atlanta" is the one that made me giggle. I like the potential bidder who posed the question "Can I bid my wife's kidney for the last pint?" Of beer he meant. Just kidding.

3. Some woman burned down her house trying to kill spiders in her garage. Overkill I think. Unless the spider looked like this video that Paul sent me. Christ. Where is an Uzi when you need one. Actually, spiders don't scare me as much as bees do. If I ever saw a bee that size I wouldn't need an Uzi because I'd have a heart attack and die right where I was standing.

4. Late last night I was watching Ladies Night on Celebrity Poker Showdown. Laugh all you want but I watch all things poker, even when the participants don't have much skill. That one actress who playes the hooker on Desperate Housewives was on and I couldn't quite separate her from her character. She folded pocket jacks with no overcard or draw on the table and I was thinking "You fricken hooker, stick to your day job." But she's really not. Because it's JUST TELEVISION Riss.

5. Someone climbed onto my site yesterday by doing a search on "Pissing shitting girls pissing shitting" which makes me think they were searching for German or Japanese porn and were sorely disappointed. They were probably also high. Because really, I think just one instance of "pissing and shitting" in the search string would have sufficed. Google must've been like "Yes, I get what you're looking for."

6. I think the woman who invented the anti-rape condom has her heart in the right place but uh, yeah. Her next invention is going to be a vaginal guillotine that just goes "off with their head" when a woman is being attacked. Then again, South Africa's crime problem has resulted in quite a few crazy inventions over the years. My favorite is the flame thrower directed at would-be carjackers. Wonder if I could get one of those for Jersey City.

7. Mike J sent me a whole crapload of news articles, several of which I've already touched upon. He also sent one about a 73-year-old woman who shot her husband because she figured he borrowed more than sugar from their next door neighbor, when he had to be treated for venereal disease. My favorite part of the article is that she was charged with "malicious wounding." I'm guessing "malicious wounding" is less dire than "attempted murder" but more dire than "aggravated assault." Although if one shoots someone in the abdomen, I have a feeling they're not going for a flesh wound. That's what arms and legs are for. The second best part is the 69-year-old guy banging other women. This Viagra/Levitra/10-other-pills-since-Pfizer's-patent-ran-out thing is waaaaay out of control. Septuagenarian crimes of passion. Who woulda thunk it.

8. We're off to Virginia for a few days so have a great Labor Day Weekend everyone!