More "News Stories"

More "News Stories"

Durex did their annual sex survey. Here are some highlights, for people who don't want to bother paging through the whole thing:

• People begin their sluttiness at the earliest average age in Iceland.
• People from Turkey are on average, the sluttiest in the world.
  
• Indian people, as in "curry" Indian versus "cornmeal" Indian are the least slutty in the world.
  
• 65% of people in Hong Kong have only banged one person their entire lives.
  
• Norweigans are the people most likely to play "Russian Roulette" with birth control. They don't pull OR pray.
• Coincidentally, they also have the highest percentage of people who have ever been infected with an STD. A lot of bumpy, green penises in Norway.
  
• Germans are the luckiest people in the entire world. 91% of the German respondents have never had an unplanned pregnancy or an STD. This makes sense. It's no secret that the Germans are militant people.
  
• Chinese people are the unluckiest, or the most irresponsible, or the stupidest. Only 28% of the Chinese respondents were able to say they had never had an unplanned pregnancy or an STD. Every other country had over 65% of respondents saying they had never had an unplanned pregnancy or STD. That statistic sounds questionable.
  
• Icelandics are most likely to want government-funded free contreception. Indonesians are most likely to want the government to say "Keep it in your pants, bitches."
• The United States has the highest percentage of sexual deviants, also known as people who like "experimenting with different sex aids." (Oh come on, you know you all are freaks.)
• Portuguese people are the horniest in the world. So you might want to spend the next vacation in Lisbon instead of Cancun.
  

I don't know if this is just a Jersey City thing but you know how car thieves usually turn out to be people supporting an addiction? Some truck was pulled over on the GW bridge for a routine trafic stop and it was transporting 600 lbs of marijuana. Car thieves all over the state are kicking themselves for not stealing THAT car.

Speaking of drugs, some woman allegedly embezzled $135,000 from the mother's club of her kid's school, in a five-year period. That is one lucrative mother's club. What are they selling at bake sales, crack? Crack muffins... pot brownies... crystal meth cakes.

Moving along in the stupid news, some broad hires a bodyguardwhenever she and her friend go out to bars (news courtesy of Shabe.) The article pretty much illustrates exactly why men are so confused when it comes to women. If all the chick's shirts are cut down to her navel, I can see where the mobs might get rabid. Men in bars tend to make spot judgements on a woman's willingness to interact with them. And they usually figure that her willingness to speak to them is inversely proportional to the amount of clothes she wears. The best part of the story is that her bodyguard costs $10 an hour. A seven-minute cab ride in Manhattan costs more. The beggars at Penn Station make more.

Unfortunately, everyone and their mother (myself included) has an opinion on the T.O. fiasco. Ralph Nader's comments were just political propaganda. People sign contracts all the time saying they can't work in an industry for a set amount of time if they leave the company. Jesse Jackson on the other hand, blathers on just to hear himself speak. His 15 minutes should have ended with his failed presidential campaign. And for God's sake can he please stop rhyming everything, when the hell did rhyming become synonymous with eloquence? He's a politician not Dr. Fucking Seuss.

Okay sorry, went off on a tangent.

My point is, T.O. deserves everything he's (not) getting, because he was fool enough to listen to his idiot of an agent Drew Rosenhaus. Everyone who has ever worked in the sports industry, and most fans, knows that the sleaziest people in the entire industry are sports agents. They are worse than the "entourages" and worse than the groupies. They are worse than the "greedy owners" and the "greedy players." And yes, even worse than sports reporters, hard as that is to believe. When they move, they leave a greasy film over every place they walk and every person they touch. Even their voice fills your ears with slime. I shared an elevator with David Falk once in Vancounver. He attempted to impress me with the importance of his name. Just to be a snot I pretended I had no clue who he was, and didn't bother to try and hide the fact that I didn't care. Only a few sentences were exchanged, yet the encounter still left me feeling like I needed to shower.