Christmas Day

Christmas Day

On Christmas Day, Geo and I thrilled my grandmother by attending church. But probably didn't thrill God too much, because we couldn't stop laughing at how mad one of the choir singers was getting, because some lady with a horrible voice kept singing over her solos. And the father in front of us was derailing my efforts to keep a straight face, because he kept putting his hand on his 15-year-old daughter's ass. I think I was literally gagging. Not very churchy. Also, I must once again voice my protest that Catholic priests all seem to speak in a monotone. But then (after a brief discussion) it was time to take communion and go home.

Geo: I don't like the bread thing.
Me: What, the communion wafer? Why not?
Geo: Well who knows who's been touching it, and then you're sitting there chewing on it.
Me: I don't know if you're supposed to munch on "the body of Christ" -- it seems disrespectful. I kind of just let it melt.
Geo: Okay then who knows who's touched it and there it is melting in your mouth.

I thought about saying "and not in your hand" but it seemed like too obvious a joke.

Afterwards, we headed over to my cousin's house in Matawan to do the Christmas stopping by thing. When you factor in travel time, Christmas should really be a few days long. It's exhausting to pack it all into 24 hours. But interesting things happen around family. Like how my aunt/godmother got tired of my teasing and smacked me on the face at the dinner table.

Aunt (looking at me while telling a story): And then... and then... and then...
Me (rather helpfully, I thought) My name is Riss...

*SMACK*

Aunt: You are so annoying.
Uncle (laughing): She's not senile... yet.

I was able to keep the embargo on jokes for only a few minutes though. But I directed them away from the person whose comeback is literally a slap in the face. I mean it's not like I can smack her back, we Asian people are taught to be respectful of our elders. And why hit someone when you can cough on their silverware instead, when they're not looking (just kidding). No really. My cousin then gave a rather enthusiastic dissertation on the merits of fine wines.

Cousin: You see, wine tasting is subjective--
Me: To how many glasses you've already had. If you've already had 8 glasses you start enthusing about how full the bouquet of this wine in a box is.

After my cousin's house we hit up Geo's aunt's house in Cherry Hill, where his family's Christmas festivities take place every year. It felt a bit weird upon entry, and someone whispered there was some sort of drama taking place. Which prompted my decision to forgo dinner in favor of some wine. Needless to say, I had a good time even if I was the only one who did. I think a lot of people wish they had the foresight to be drunk at family gatherings. There was only one thing I felt bad about. Geo made me an awesome wooden card with a handwritten message on parchment inside. Remember how I said that trying to read while drunk is like trying to watch a silent movie upside down? I must have read that thing about 12 times and still had no clue what it said. I couldn't put the words together in my mind. But Geo was waiting so I kinda faked the awwwwwwwww. But he could tell I was faking it and thought I just didn't like what he wrote. I am such an ass. Luckily I explained it to him the next morning and he laughed at me. All good!

And... thanks Janelle for the pasta serving set and Kwame for the Hero DVD, The Once and Future King book and the creme brulee cookies!