Marital Conversations On Relationships (Sex)

Marital Conversations On Relationships (Sex)

Geo and I were in the kitchen cooking dinner, and we got into a conversation about sexual relationships. Key points:

• It's okay to hook up with a friend's ex if it's been at least three years since they went out. But the clock starts from the last time your friend hooked up with him or her. So any booty call action resets the clock. Unless the person wasn't anyone they took seriously, and they're finished with them. Then the wait period is "long enough to take a bath in between."
• For every 6 months of celibacy, you should be able to cross one person off your bang list. This may result in some people having negative magic numbers but every plan is flawed in some way. This is just for women though, who due to societal double-standards have to deal with the whole village bicycle image.
• The third date rule is lame. Unless, you hit it on the first date and this is just a re-run. But sex should be based on the situation and comfort level of the people involved, not some random dating idea thought up by idiots. By the way, I'm the one that thinks the rule is lame. Geo thinks the rule should be re-written as the "First Date Rule."
• It's rude to expect extended cuddling after midnight. People have work the next day.
• It's also rude to be woofin in the nether regions. Chafing is not an appropriate morning after present. Neither are green bumps or burning sensations of any kind.
• Kissing is an indication of how good someone is going to be in bed. So if after the kiss ends your face is covered with enough saliva to seal a box of envelopes, I'd suggest you make it an early night.
• Everyone lies about sex, but they lie about different things. Women lie like "No I didn't sleep with him" or "I've never done this before." Men lie like "Yeah I was thinking about you."
• Foreplay time is like movie length, you have to hit the right amount or you lose the audience. Too much and they're like "How long is this fricken thing" (*insert obligatory "long fricken thing" joke here*) while too little and they feel robbed. Of course, when you have young kids foreplay is a thing of the past anyway. It's more like "How much time do we have? Okay Red Team go red Team go!!!"

Bonus: It's okay to sell your spouse a la Indecent Proposal but you have to get their permission first and the wire transferred into your account up front.