Tequila Shots For The Radio: Part Deux

Tequila Shots For The Radio: Part Deux

My trainwreck of a second show on Mango Radio is available for download here. Please ignore the "remixes" of songs with the tippy-tapping of my keys. And the songs that randomly get cut off in the middle. And the frustrated curses. And the painful minutes when I'm trying to figure out if people can hear me or not. And the volume issues. And the minutes of silence when Winamp crashed and kicked me off the broadcast. Also, ARRRRGGGGGHHHH. The show sucked big donkey balls but what can you do.

Highlights:

1. I want a whole farm of racehorses with hip-hoppy names. My first ten horses are going to be called:

GET AT ME DOG!!!
My Posse's On Broadway
Hand On The Pump
Follow The Leader
Brooklyn's Finest
Chief Rocka
Protect Ya Neck
Ghetto Superstar
Quiet Storm
(And my favorite) Bring The Pain

There will be no horse called "Passing Me By" because then it would always lose and I'd get mad. Be honest, does anyone know every single one of those horse names? Because if you do then I'm a fan.

2. There are many stereotypes about penis, and whereas most people think that Asian men get the worst of it with all the small penis assumptions, I actually think black men as a whole receive the most negative effect of penis stereotypes. Say average size for a guy is 5-6 1/2 inches. Race perception leads women to grade on a curve. So if you're an Asian guy with a 6 1/2 inch dick your Dick Evaluation says "Exceeds Expectations" and you get a raise (hee). But if you're a black guy with a huge schlong you just "Meet Expecations." There's no gold stars, company car or promotion for you. And if you're a black guy with an average size dick you get a "Does Not Meet Expectations." Women are just like "Oh."

3. Mike J has gotten over his whole aversion to strip clubs. The last time he went to Lace he got a double lap dance. The next time, he got a quadruple one. The next number in the pattern is either 6 if he's just adding 2 more each time, or 16 if he's squaring lap dances. We went to the joint on Saturday and Tony got me a dance from some chick who straddled me then stuck her hands down my shirt. I must admit it was a bit stimulating (for the first time ever) but I could have just been so drunk than any person place or thing would have sufficed.

4. My goal is to box up all my friends into neat little categories then interview them. I interviewed my friend Heide for an "Ask A Bisexual" segment. It's a good segment, thanks to her really. She talks about the lesbian space fort she made as a kid, and what poontang tastes like. Also, her boyfriend Cris has a shot at a threesome but she reserves the right to veto chicks at will.

5. Some 10-year-old kid walked by my house the other day and asked for a smoke. I asked him for I.D. Ever since then, whenever he walks by he glares at me. My neighbor got a potato thrown at her window for no reason and I think we're next. Yes, the ghetto rocks.

Once again I wasn't able to get through everyone's requests. It was just a crappy, crappy, crappy show.

Last week's show is available for download here.