Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume 4

Tequila Shots For The Radio: Chapter 4

It only took four shows but I finally had one with no technical difficulties. Either that or they were small enough that I'm pretending not to have noticed them. Woot! Last night's show is available for download here, courtesy of Ginger who I now owe 949238660238460 jillion kilobytes of bandwidth to. Is that even what you measure bandwidth in?

Anyhoo, the musical theme of the show was "Songs That Are Good To Strip To." I'm speaking generally for people who wish to strip for monetary or recreational purposes. Not that I actually mount a stage and start peeling off the layers. Or rather, layer. It's kind of funny how at strip clubs, the women get on the stage in like a G-string and two gum wrappers tied together then proceed to take off the gum wrappers and ta-da, they've stripped. Stripping is a lost art. If I were a stripper I'd come onto the stage in a snowsuit and thermals over my thong and gum wrappers.

Highlights:

I started off the show with some gripes, just to get them off my chest before the happiness started:

• Someone needs to explain to me why even though my house is always cold, the monthly PSE&G bills are more expensive than black market kidneys and little adoptable Chinese babies.
• "Antibiotics" is apparently pharmaceutical code for "magic fairy tears produced in the depths of the Amazon jungle" because my little white out-sized bottle of it cost $35.
• My neighbor had concrete laid down in her yard last week. Without asking permission, her workers proceeded to use our backyard to store all the garbage that was in hers, including 6 doors, roofing, sharp metal pieces and a toilet from the apartment that was so filthy it should have been condemned. They were going to leave it there "for awhile" until I let my neighbor know that it was unacceptable and that they needed to THROW IT AWAY. This only happens in the ghetto by the way. People in Scarsdale don't look outside their windows and see nasty ass toilets.
• The Super Size menu is gone at McDonald's. I don't understand why food has to be more expensive to prevent people from eating. Next we're going to see a tax on regular mayo versus fat free mayo. Thank you Michael Moore. How about instead of attacking McDonald's you eat a fucking salad next time, instead of a double cheeseburger. When I want to lose weight I just DON'T GO to McDonald's. Or Burger King. Or Taco Bell. It's as simple as that. Anyone who tells you it's not is lying.

Myspace has hired a "Child Safety Czar" which makes me supremely jealous because I want a job title that includes the word czar. Like "Food and Liquor Consumption Czar." That works.

I like being female. For all that people spend all day long talking about the disadvantages I see nothing but advantages. But, if I were to grow a penis for a day these are some of the things I'd do:

1. Nail someone. Man, woman, sheep. If it moves I'm hittin it.
2. Jerk off. All over someone. Man, woman, sheep. If it moves I'm hittin it.
3. Get a blowjob. From a guy and a girl. Simultaneously.
4. Go to the men's room and check out my friends' penises. Gloat and take pictures if mine's bigger.

Dave at onemillionblogs.net offered me a free square a few months ago when he was just starting his mosaic of blogs. I accepted because I'm Filipino and the word "free" is like magic. Yes, I take home hotel bottles of shampoo and lotion. Anyway, he gave me the very first square and one of the benefits is that I got a nice in-depth profile on the Million Blogs blog. Woot!

And Happy Birthday Ty!!!!

Kwam has reminded me that apparently the best part of the show, was when I got sidetracked by the EVIL, EVIL chat room heathens into singing random TV show theme songs. "Here we are.. face to face... a couple of silver spoons.."