May 13, 2006

Random Stuff Chapter 475,692

Random Stuff Chapter 475,692
(By the way, isn't it annoying when I don't post shit for days, then toss up two in one day. I finally tossed up a 24 recap.)

1. This article on large mammals becoming extinct about 12,000 years ago was a bit amusing. It said that some researchers believe the cause of their extinction was over-hunting. I don't claim to know a lot about paleontology, and I'm not saying that humans aren't a bloodthirsty bunch, but those animals were around for quite awhile. So there had to have been a decent amount of them. How many humans came over from Siberia... like ten? Me and Geo can't even kill all the mice in our house, and we aren't running around in the snow chasing them with spears.

2. Here's a funny article, about a woman who beat her daughter's teacher up. The funny part isn't that she did it, but that she did it in front of the woman's seventh grade class. Wonder if those kids were traumatized or excited. When I was in 6th grade, my best friend's bus driver got into a fight with a student's mom. Helen laughed her ass off talking about how there were weaves and Lee Press-On Nails flying everywhere. She even showed me one of the Press-On Nails, it was hot pink. People get off on watching people brawl. That mpeg of the woman slapping the teacher was all over the internet last month.

3. I had a dream last night that I was part of some rebel family with a crapload of kids. The authorities raided our house for evidence of our rebel dealings and somehow found the secret doors into the Batcave. It was like a futuristic Von Trapp Family, but with a Batcave whose entrance was opened when you run on the treadmill and punch numbers on the electronic screen with the timer and heart rate thing. Also, I was holding a keychain with the rebel insignia on it (woo, way to be incognito) and I couldn't find a place to dispose of it so I ate it.

4. Which I guess is better than the dream I had a couple of weeks ago, that the Chinese mafia was trying to kill me, because I accidentally bumped into the son of their head honcho and he fell into a restaurant fountain. This happened while the entire restaurant was watching, because of some magnanimous gesture he was making concerning an old waitress and some gold rings.

5. It's been awhile since I posted any marital conversations:

Me: Want a cupcake before you go to sleep?
Geo: Yeah okay, toss me one and I'll eat it while I watch porn. Cupcakes and porn.
Me: Here you go.
Geo (taking a bite): It's...... good.
Me: You don't look very impressed.
Geo: No, I am.
Me: Don't you remember our marriage vows. You're supposed to love, honor, obey and be impressed by me.
Geo: I don't remember saying that.
Me: What do you remember saying?
Geo: "I, George, promise to pretend to love, honor and be impressed by my wife." Wait... what was it really?
Me: Well they don't say "obey" anymore. They used to make the women say it but not the men.
Geo: What?? Why don't you have to say it anymore? That sucks.
Me: It's this thing we like to call "equality."
Geo (in a high-pitched voice): Equality schmequality.
Me: I guess I could have said it, but it'd be a total lie.
Geo: Oh yeah, they say "cherish" now. I'm supposed to love, honor and cherish you.
Me: And obey.
Geo: Right.

By the way, the cupcake is an actual cupcake.

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