Beer Versus Cock

Beer Versus Cock

I read this on my show a few months ago but never posted it on here. Someone posted a bulletin on Myspace titled "PUSSY VS. BEER" which was a comparison of two things most men love. Except the ones that love cock. Or orange juice. The funniest points were:

"Beer is always wet. Pussy needs a little work. - One point to beer
Warm beer tastes awful. - One point to pussy
If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested.
If you smell of pussy he may buy you a beer. - One point to pussy
If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off - One point to beer
You always know how much beer is going to cost - One point to beer

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry and degraded, just remember that beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them. -An extra point for beer"

Anyway, whoever posted it requested that someone make one called "COCK VERSUS BEER." I felt I was up to the challenge.

1. Beer won't knock you up accidentally - One point to beer.
2. Beer doesn't smell like bleach - One point to beer.
3. Beer isn't free - One point to cock. No wait, yeah if you're a girl it often is. Okay, no points to cock or beer.
4. You don't throw up if you have too muck cock. - One point to cock.
5. Beer tastes like what carbonated piss must taste like. Oddly enough, cock doesn't. - One point to cock.
6. Beer doesn't pull out of your stomach, then try to go into someone else's stomach. - One point to beer.
7. Beer doesn't see your ass as the Promised Land. - One point to beer.
8. Cock doesn't give you gas. - One point to cock.
9. Threatening to sever a man's beer isn't as scary as threatening to sever a man's cock. - One point to cock.
10. Men aren't as impressed by the ability to suck down beers. - One point to cock.
11. Too much beer won't get your name scrawled on the bathroom wall next to some obscene stick figures - One point to beer.
12. Beer doesn't have a time limit for you to enjoy yourself - One point to beer.
13. Beer never has any genital cheese whiz on it. - One point to beer. (Yeah, yeah you guys make fun of women but you get cheesy too.)
14. Beer can make you feel worse when you're sad - One point to cock.
15. Cock doesn't have you waking up the next morning with your head in the toilet and an aversion to sunlight and noise. - One point to cock.

Final score: It's apparently a tie. Which is what happens when a (uh, former) nympho alcoholic tries to do this comparison.

DJMetronome had some great additions in the comments section:

"More pussy vs beer:

-No energy or time is required to get beer...you want one take one.
-It takes a WHOLE LOT of beer to help you fall asleep, just one pussy does the trick.

More cock vs beer:

-You don't have to go all night wondering if the beer will be big enough to satisfy you.
-If you drink one beer, all the other beers aren't going to know ALL about it."

Also, your next beer won't care that you drank 900 beers before it. It won't run around telling all the other beers that you're a beerslut.