I am now officially a mom. Getting knocked up with twins didn't do it. Lugging what felt like a boulder around in my waist for months didn't do it. Popping the kids out after 6 weeks in the hospital with pre-term labor (constant IVs sometimes one in each arm, a full body rash and an abscess tooth triggered by steroid injections, migraines, anemia, elevated glucose levels and failing kidneys among other things) didn't do it. Staying at home with the kids didn't do it. So now people are wondering, well what in the hell did.
Yesterday... I made apple pie for the first time ever. Woot! Let me into the club! Okay so yeah, it wasn't from scratch. Sue me. But still, it was a pie and it was made from apples and I am officially a mom now dammit. Next on the list: slow cook something. Anything. Preferably in one of those alien contraptions I've heard about called a "crock pot." I probably have to go out of the ghetto to find one, here all we have are "crack pots." HAHAHAHA. I am such a fucking idiot. Puns are the lowest form of humor, it's good this is just a blog and you all couldn't hear me laugh out loud.
Janelle recently told me that the newest it thing amongst celebrity husbands is the giving of a large gift to thank their wives for birthing their children. Which you know, is a great idea although technically it's not like the husband himself could have birthed the child, so he's thanking her for being the only one in their relationship biologically capable of giving birth. Okay okay, calm down feminists. Don't get those charred bra straps in a bunch, let's move on.
So armed with my newfound gift knowledge, I went hunting for Geo.
Me: Janelle says that the newest "it" thing to do is to give your wife a big gift for popping out your kid.
Geo (joking): Well technically, you didn't pop them out.
Me: True but you could give me a "lay on the operating table and let some doctor slice me open so he could pull your two screaming children out of me then staple me shut" gift.
Geo: Umm... okay yeah that would have to be a pretty big gift.
Me: Well you can start with Guitar Hero 2.