The O.J. Interview
Let's just skip the controversy okay? You guys don't have to watch it anymore, I sent my imaginary reporter over there and interviewed him too:
Reporter: So you're here to set the record straight O.J.
O.J.: Yes, I want to let the American public know that I didn't have anything to do with Nicole's death.
Reporter: And how are you going to do that?
O.J.: By establishing how I WOULD HAVE done it, had it been me that killed her.
Reporter: And how would that be?
O.J.: If I had killed her, I would have stabbed and slashed her to death, right at the house I paid for, while our kids were sleeping upstairs.
Reporter: Go on..
O.J.: And then I would have stabbed and slashed her lover to death, the man who had the audacity to fuck MY woman in MY house while MY kids slept.
Reporter: And then?
O.J.: And then I would leave a bloody trail as I walked away, have a chicken sandwich and a Sprite then hop on a plane to Chicago to establish an alibi. And pray that my celebrity status would let gullible idiots on a jury ignore my obvious guilt.
Reporter: Wait... how is that different from what actually happened?
O.J.: The REAL killer had a chicken sandwich and a Coke after. I would have had a chicken sandwich and a SPRITE.