More Black Friday Madness
Back in the day I used to go out every night, crawl into bed at 4 am, then wake up at 7 am to go to work. At one point I stopped going out completely and was working over 100 hours a week, while commuting an hour and a half into the city each day, seven days a week. None of that, and I mean NONE of that tired me out half as much as shopping on Black Friday. It's been three days and I'm still tired.
My one experience shopping on Black Friday came a couple of years ago, when Geo and I stood in line at Best Buy at 3 in the morning to get a TV. But we were in and out of the store within half an hour, and I was back in bed asleep by 6 am. This year I signed up to tag along with Janelle and another friend to experience the full brunt of Black Friday madness. So at 3 a.m. they got up (the girls wouldn't fall asleep so I never slept) and we headed to Circuit City/Best Buy to stand in line for a couple of hours. Luckily, Janelle packed Snapple and sandwiches or this could have been an unpleasant experience for all.
Afterwards we hit up Kohl's and Target, where I flirted with some guy to get him to look in the back for toys they were supposedly out of. Hey, those Littlest Pet Shop sets are normally $25, on sale for $13. I'm not above a few come hither looks to save 12 bucks. Which I did. After Target we rocked Toys R Us, Walmart, Macy's, up and down an entire mall, Old Navy and TJ Maxx. I was delirious by the time we got home, babbling something about the poor little penguins that get eaten by leopard seals. I didn't get trampled, shot or stabbed though and I saved a crapload of money on the gifts my kiddos wanted, so all in all it was a good day.
Things I Learned:
1. The average person becomes a lunatic when attempting to find a parking spot in a mall. When attempting to find a parking spot in a mall on Black Friday, the average person becomes a PMS-ing psychopath on methamphetamines, whose team just lost the Super Bowl in the last 30 seconds after a missed field goal return touchdown. This is also the same expression on the face of men who have somehow been guilt tripped, tricked, cajoled or berated into accompanying their women to go bargain shopping.
2. Women should leave those men at home anyway. Black Friday shopping is not for the weak or faint of heart.
3. People will fight over the last popular toy marked 75% off the way people on a sinking ship will fight over the last life vest.
4. The key to not jumping the shark on Black Friday is to avoid the quicksand. The quicksand equals purchasing things you know are useless and awful, just because it's cheap. No you don't need that puke green tie with the kumquats on it just because it's three dollars. Put down the Gigli DVD, Best Buy should pay YOU $3.99 to take it off their hands.
5. Stores are sneaky. They pretend shit is on sale to take advantage of the mindless hordes in a buying frenzy. Ten dollars off a five hundred dollar item does not make it on sale, those sneaky bastards.
6. I ran for an hour on the treadmill and worked out on the machines for half an hour to prepare for the Thanksgiving Foodfest. But I probably burned more calories dodging people and their carts on Friday. Be prepared for bruises on Black Friday. No one looks where they're going, they're too busy making sure not to miss out on anything on sale.
7. The delirium caused by lack of sleep may give you an edge on Black Friday, but it also makes you reaaaaaaaalllllly bitchy when you come crashing down. Like the fickleness of crazy drug addict strength, in for the high and out for the low. Near the end of the day I was in some store, reading a T-shirt that said "Why are you talking to me when you know I hate you." I snickered at the sheer audacity of the shirt, and the person next to me started bitching "How can you laugh, that shirt is so ignorant." Blah blah blah. Instead of explaining like I normally might have, I just said "Shut the fuck up and mind your damn business." Which of course, offended her even more than the shirt and she stomped away. I was so tired I heard myself say it at the same time she did though. Oh well.