February 20, 2002

If Dean Re-Created The World

If Dean Re-Created The World

Today's message board posting has to do with Dean. The thread is called "If Dean Re-created The World..." and my post was:

If Dean Ruled The World...

1. All good-looking young black women would have to present their feet for Dean to cover with A1 steak sauce and suck on before they got married.
2. Weed would be sold 20 blunts per box for $3.50, but you can get a carton for $28.50 in Pennsylvania.
3. One in every 100 40-ounces of Colt 45 would be a "special edition C2 anniversary brew" made especially by Dean. (This is an inside joke that doesn't take much to figure out...empty beer bottle...Dean had to piss...thirsty guy that no one liked...)
4. Women would have to carry ID cards of their vaginas, not faces to get into clubs. The cards would also have a scratch and sniff sticker on it.
5. In order to get promoted at work you'd have to kill a cat. The more cats you kill, the higher up the corporate ladder you go.

Dean: "I got a ticket from some cop who says I tried to run over a cat on purpose. Can you believe that shit."
Me (not even questioning that he did it on purpose): "How did he know you did it on purpose?"
Dean (looking embarrased): "Oh, apparently when I missed the first time he saw me reverse and try again."

6. It would be mandatory for all public places with televisions to show looping video of anal porn. ("Let's go to Friday's....they got 'Butt Banged Bicycle Babes' AND Jack Daniels wings.")

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