March 13, 2002

Grass Is Green. Sky Is Blue. Dawson Is A Pussy.

NEWSFLASH: Grass Is Green. Sky Is Blue. Dawson Is A Pussy.

I was channeling tonight and ended up on the WB. Then George walked away with the remote so I was forced to watch Dawson's Creek. That show is painful to watch. The dialogue is just too ridiculous to appreciate..."Who is this footloose and fancy-free boy?" Who the hell talks like that? Is that supposed to be a display of sardonic wit? Like saying "How droll"? Anyway so Dawson is banging that skank Jen again and everyone thinks Joey is depressed. Why are the characters on that show always pining for someone? Now I've identified the reason I hate the show. Other than the fact that the dialogue and characters are irritating, there's altogether too much pining. Too much pining and not enough fucking. And the fucking that does occur happens because the character was so depressed from pining, they needed to drown their sorrows in a rebound fuck.

I really hate the words "separate" "vacuum" and "misspell" whose correct spellings look incorrect. Words like these drive me a bit insane to the point where sometimes I will use synonyms to avoid having to use them. But what the hell would be the synonym for "vacuum"... "suck upper" NO...that's another phrase for a sycophant (ass kisser).

I've been having some weird dreams lately. I dreamt a few nights ago that Ross from Friends was trying to push me off a ship. Nice. Then I dreamt that I was on a game show called "Enough Time" in which the contestants were all given different tasks and whoever completed theirs first is the only one who got any points. This one woman had a task of finding coins in what looked like a craps table filled with mud. Another woman was playing chess versus a computer. My fucking task was to pack this enormous amount of groceries into one shelf in my cupboard. Oddly enough the studio looked like a really big version of my apartment. Like in Wayne's World when they were viewing the studio version of Wayne's basement after their show got picked up from the public access channel. "Look... it's like Wayne's basement only... that's not Wayne's basement. Isn't that weird??" I love that movie. My favorite scene from that movie is when Wayne's ex-girlfriend presents him with a birthday gift (I can't remember the exact words but this is really close):

Psycho ex: Look Wayne I got you a present.
Wayne: What is it?
Psycho ex: Open it.
Wayne: If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset. What is this?
Psycho ex: A gun rack.
Wayne: A gun rack? I don't even own a gun let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What would I do with a gun rack?
Psycho ex: You don't like it? Fine. If you're not careful Wayne you're going to lose me.
Wayne: I lost you three months ago, we're broken up!! Get the net!!

But I digress.

Back to my dream, everyone else's tasks would change but my task always remained the same. It was so infuriating! George was the game show's host so everytime he walked by me I'd scream at him to get me a new task. I also had a dream that my old roommate Veronica had some friend that was trying to shoot me. We were in different cars so I ran her off the road into some bush. Bizarre. is having a free shipping promo that I took supreme advantage of. When they shipped my books, instead of styrofoam peanuts they had packed it with this plastic bag full of air thing made by a company called Polyair. It was pretty cool. I know, simple minds...

Sponge Bob Square Pants Quote of the Day: "Coin-slot-activated self-destruct was obviously not one of my better ideas." (Courtesy of "Plankton" before his robot-mobile thing blew up.)

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