Hit Me With Your Best Boob

Hit Me With Your Best Boob

Went to The Junkyard on Wednesday night to see my friends play. They were dope as usual but the composition of the crowd was kind of bizarre. Usually it's a healthy mix of trailer park and frat people but that night all the frat people were mysteriously absent and all these biker bar people were around. Maybe the biker people ate them. Savages!! A fight broke out because two guys were trying to start a mosh pit amongst some very unenthused people. I couldn't stop laughing as I watched these two skinhead-looking guys go nuts over one of those songs my friend Ben calls "angry-for-no-reason-white-people music."
My cousin Baya was giggling over the fact that she kept getting hit by women's boobs:

Baya: Women here keep bumping into me with their boobs. I've been getting hit by women's boobs all night. That doesn't happen to me in the Philippines.
Me: That's because Filipinas don't have boobs. How are they going to hit you with them?
Bodie: Women in the Philippines are like A or B... women in the U.S. are like A,B,C,D,E,F,G.
Baya: But why do they keep hitting me with them?
Me: We in the U.S. are very much a breast-oriented society. Thus, American women tend to walk with their chests out as far as possible, often bumping into stationary objects along the way. Just try and stay out of the line of fire.
Bodie: They're like "Battering Ram Breasts."
Baya: They're so hard too.

Bodie also observed that there are a lot of bars in the United States. I replied that we are a nation of alcoholics. They say "When in Rome, do as the Romans..." and I guess Baya really took that to heart because she got FUCKED UP on Wednesday night. LIT. Geo and I assured them we were used to seeing people drunk. Then I whispered "I see drunk people" which set me and Geo off into hysterics, but it may have just been the fact that it was 4 in the morning.

Last night we took them to the Tin Alley Grill for Karaoke Thursdays. I swear the same people always sing there and they always sing the same songs. What never fails to irk me is when middle-aged women go up there and sing "I Will Survive" with feeling, like it was empowering them. Like they weren't going to go home to their cheating boyfriends and bake them chocolate chip cookies. Speaking of baking cookies, I met Lani's new man Patrick on Monday night when we went to Divine Bar. I was telling him about my escort agency idea and he said he could see how it may not be so bad banging 80-year-old women for big bucks. "It probably wouldn't last too long because they'd hurt and then afterwards they'd probably bake you chocolate chip cookies or something." My kind of guy. Anyway back to Tin Alley. People there take karaoke so seriously, they actually go up there sober. The people that REALLY bug me are the ones that go up there and sing serious songs like they're on Star Search and shit. I always feel like raising my hand and saying "Ummm... thanks for the a capella rendition of "I Will Always Love You" and all, but it's karaoke night at a trashy little bar in Hackensack, New Fucking Jersey."