Wednesday, Part One: Oddfellows and Hop-Kee
I have a lot to say today because I stayed out yesterday from 5:00 pm to 2:00 am. Yes I know, who does this shit on a Wednesday night?? We started drinking at around 5 because my friend from work Mike D is leaving the company. I only intended to do about 2 shots of BlackHaus but Mike D didn't want his second one (so that's 3 for me) and the bartender didn't charge me for the last 2 so I got 2 more (free money) and being that I possess the very human distrust of odd numbers, I decided to just make it an even 6. And I still beat Paul at darts when we played "Baseball" even though it was close. Paul tied it at 9-9 in the top of the ninth and in the bottom of the 9th my first two darts weren't even close. So I'm holding my final dart and thinking to myself "Fuck that, if this goes into extra innings I'm going to lose cuz he's on a roll") and my last dart goes right square in the middle of the 9 section. I started jumping up and down cheering "I WIN!!!!" but that's because I was on a mission since he opened a can of whoop ass on me the last time we played.
Geo picked me up soon after that and we headed into the city to meet Pete, Rob and Juan at Hop-Kee in Chinatown. Juan was running late so we decided to be typical Asians and sit around drinking bubble pearl tea at the Green Tea Cafe. Juan walks in and immediately cracks me up:
Pete: Juan you remember George right??
Juan: Wassup George, you still whoring around?
George: Uhhh...
Pete: Oh you DO remember him!!! Yeah, after high school George got notorious.
Me: Yo George, are you gonna take that??
Geo: I'll get him back when he asks me for a ride home.
At that point some chick walked by and distracted me with her flagrant fashion no-no. She was wearing tight ass khaki pants and big ol' granny underwear underneath. I detest panty lines. I told Geo to go up to her and tell her she should be wearing a thong and Pete checks out her Tyra Banks-esque forehead and says "She ain't got a forehead, that's a fivehead." Rob's like "She's a Klingon" which is foul but funny as hell.
At Hop-Kee we ordered (Peking Style Pork Chops, Salt and Pepper Squid, Garlic Sauteed String Beans, flounder, Clams In Crab Meat Sauce, Pork Fried Rice and Pepper Steak) but they messed up Pete's dish. They brought out Crabs instead of Clams (too many jokes) and so he sent it back to the kitchen which pissed the waiter off. He told us he was going to charge us anyway for it and of course I'm like "Hell no you're not. You messed up the order, we all heard it." Naturally I can be this belligerent because it ain't my food so who cares if he spits in it hahaha (just kidding Pete. Okay I'm not.) When the waiter brought out the correct dish Pete starts poring over it and says "I'm looking for pubes, bubbles or anything swimming." Juan points out this weird white area in the corner and says "That part looks questionable." But they ate it anyway because they're guys.
Me: I love Hop-Kee's Peking Style Pork Chops. The last time Tony went here he dropped some off at my apartment on his way home for me.
Pete: I would never do that shit.
Me: That's why you're walking home, bitch.
Pete: Never mind. I would always do that for you. Every day.
Pete asked Geo if he'd ever been with two sisters at the same time. Geo replies in the negative and Pete says "I was once... wait does it count if you guys were 9??" I tell him it doesn't since there was no sticking involved. Juan says "Wait....who was 9, you or them??" HAHAHAHA. Oh man. Somewhere in all this laughing I spit a piece of rice across the table. Luckily it landed in between dishes but even if it landed in the clams my spit wouldn't have made a difference. The waiter already made Pete a "special sauce."
Juan's Public Service Announcement to Pete regarding 9-year-olds: "TOGETHER THEY'RE NOT 18 YOU KNOW."
At that point Geo had to go put more quarters in the meter. As he left I called out "Try not to bang anyone on your way to the car" and we all started laughing but I didn't think he heard. He comes back 15 seconds later, points at me and says "I heard that. Do you need a ride too?" I was immediately chastened... "Pete, you got a PATH card I could borrow?" In George's defense his reputation is a lot worse than the reality. Fucking gossipy ass Filipinos, always trying to blow up peoples' spots!!
I got two turtles (two more little Sammys) but I named them Michelangelo and Donatello. I know, I'm such a dork!!!
