June 18, 2002



It's common knowledge that Michael Jackson looks like a freak but is it common knowledge that he looks like a walking corpse? Look at this picture... the guy looks like he got up and exited the mortuary after his embalming. People accept him for what he is and that's fine, but why does he look like that? "Too much plastic surgery." Huh?? No no, "too much plastic surgery" is that one rich chic who looks like a lion. Her name is escaping me right now... Jocelyn Wildestein or Wildebeast or something. What happened to Michael Jackson is something on a different plane of plastic surgical existence. Was it a medical condition that he tried to alleviate? Was it over-bleaching? I've read like 8 jillion different stories about what it was and most of it is rabid speculation. The general assumption is that his look is the tragic result of too much bleaching ("I said 'When' motherfucker, 'WHEN!!!!'") and monthly nose jobs over a period of 17 years (the last sighting of his untouched nose was in 1985. It already looked a trifle adjusted during the Smooth Criminal and Man In The Mirror years). My point is, if I were someone who was close to him I would be pissed if it was a result of cosmetic surgery because isn't performing further surgery on a patient who's already suffering from the effects of too much plastic surgery a violation of the Hippocratic oath?? I mean this isn't a South Beach surgeon giving some aspiring porn star size Triple G breasts... Michael Jackson's face looks like it would crumble if you poked it. He has to be way past the point where corrective surgery is doing damage than actual correction.

I think this article about women not being able to enter combat is hysterical. If you think about it, separating people by gender in these situations won't ever work because it's too large of a generalization that's probably not even applicable in the scenarios being debated. I mean come on... I severely doubt the women who have gone that far in those units of the army are dainty, pinky-extended-while-drinking-tea women. If they pass the mental and physical evaluations they should be allowed in. If on the other hand, they were only allowed in due to Clinton-era affirmative action moves within the military, then they should definitely be re-assigned. If they're not up to par with the rest of their teams on every level, they compromise the safety of those units in combat situations. It always amuses me though when men make comments like "A woman could never kick my ass." Trish Stratus might not be able to (sorry Kwame) but Chyna most definitely will.

Kwame wants to know if the WNBA is serious in contemplating going on strike. Yes Kwame, they are indeed VERY SERIOUS. So watch out WNBA fans, you may not get your -- HELLO??? Are you listening to me?? YES, I'm talking to all three of you. This is serious. You may not get your WNBA fix this summer. What will you do for fun if there's no paint drying or water evaporating to watch anywhere??? Lani is going to get pissed at me for saying that. Lani is a firm supporter of the WNBA because she wants to have a lesbian encounter with the Liberty point guard, Teresa Weatherspoon. Yes, Teresa Weatherspoon to Lani is what Richard Simmons in a wig is to Angelina Jolie. And about 50 million other women apparently, if Maxim magazine is to be believed. So at least Lani is original. The idea of Lani and Teresa making it is interesting from the Lani aspect but kind of gross from the Teresa aspect. Kind of like watching Miss Universe bang Roseanne Barr. No point in analyzing, Lani and I have already tried. I told her it was cheating to pick a possible lesbian encounter partner that looked more like a man than 90% of the guys I know.

Okay movie break...I just picked up the Jawbreaker DVD. Fun movie. A Heathers for the late 90's. Speaking of Heathers my favorite line from that movie is "It'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks." Kind of like Gerald and his picture of David Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman.

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